Monday, December 5, 2011


It has been awhile since I posted anything. Life has been kind of crazy and busy. Truth is, I haven't felt much like myself in a long time and I am just starting to get back in the swing of things. I have been in recovery from surgery for more than a month and during this time, social media has been my only real "connection" with the outside world. It is amazing how much you can learn without ever leaving your home. Some people are blaming Facebook for all the evils in their lives and you know, like always, I have an opinion on this. If a "friend" is posting comments that you find unforgivable or that make you think, "why are we friends?", then you simply need to delete them. I mean, if every word they utter makes your skin crawl and you fundamentally disagree with all their life choices, then it is time for you to edit them right out of your life. I am not personally someone who does this because the thing I love most about my friends is that they are so varied in their thoughts and beliefs that they truly enrich me as person. The difference in real friends and Facebook friends is that most people censor their feelings about things in order to not offend their true friends, but on Facebook, you tend to post something that is a dead giveaway to who you are as a person. It could be a shared video or a comment about politics or social issues. People say things on Facebook that they would never dream of saying to you, just because they try desperately to avoid face-to-face conflict. Secondly, Facebook did not ruin your marriage. If your spouse was not happy and found someone in "Facebookland" that they connected with, chances are it would have happened regardless. People were having affairs before the internet was ever invented. In fact, before Facebook, your spouse was connecting with someone at a local bar, live and in person. And, for the record, just because you put on your status that life is perfect and you are so in love, it doesn't make it so. If you aren't happy and you are living in a loveless marriage, Facebook statuses won't help that. You may think that you are faking it for the world, but trust me, there is always someone out there who knows the truth. It would be so much better for you to just say nothing. In fact, I believe in freedom of speech, but I also believe in having some dignity and that means, don't put everything out there for the world. There is a such thing as too much information. I don't want to read your constant bitching and complaining anymore than I want to read your sappy, fake crap. I may be about to do a little purging of my "friends" right now. Like I said, I like my friends to enrich me. I suppose if you make the cut, I must find something enriching about our relationship.

Monday, September 19, 2011

It's My Birthday

Today is my birthday and I am 36 years old. It isn't really one of those monumental ages. There are no special cards or balloons with a big 36 on them to mark the occasion. I don't personally find that I am especially "old", but I suppose in accordance with the average age of most military spouses that I am in regular contact with I am probably considered way past middle aged. So, for the record and to clarify some private comments I have been sent, yes, I know how much closer I am to 40. Also a point of record, I am not really concerned with growing older. I embrace every year that I inch closer to 40, just as I did getting closer to 30. I am simply a person who embraces my age and welcomes the new experiences with open arms. Each year is an opportunity to learn and grow more. I am easily 10 times better of a woman than I was at eighteen. There is a reason that they say older and wiser. I always heard about people fearing age, but times have changed. We no longer have a life span of 60 years and today, I probably barely reached middle age. I have so much life left in me. I always talk about my time at the W and how much those years meant to me and how much I learned. Learning to love and appreciate the "aging" me is just one more experience I gained. During my time at the W, I met so many fabulous alums and I had the pleasure of being around women who were in there 70s, 80s and even 90s who still had a real zest for life. Women who didn't decide at some arbitrary age that it was time to just sit around and wait to die. So as every year passes, my goal for the new year is just to live life to its fullest. To be true to myself and not some idea of what I should be. I hope to be a woman that some of the younger military spouses hope to emulate as I did with those before me and to someday be that wonderful older alum that inspires a young W girl. Now, if I could just manage to find my 18 year old body again...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Lost in Another World

I have been pretty much a bum the last few days. I can admit it. It was for the greater good though. After purchasing several books on my Kindle for the last few months and intending on reading them, I decided to finally get around to reading. I am not one of those people who can just read a chapter here and there. If the book is worth reading, I get so involved in the characters and plot that I almost refuse to put it down. I have always said that the world I enter in books is so much more interesting than anything I live daily. Now, if I could only get my kids to see reading the way I do. How do you really get someone to love reading? I know plenty of people who refuse to read because they know the movie is coming out soon and they will just watch that. I don't know if I have ever left a movie saying "that was SO much better than the book". If I am wrong, feel free to correct me. It isn't often that I get the chance to see new movies anymore. Our town has a small, two-screen theater. If the movie isn't one of the "big" releases or a kid-friendly flick, then we don't even get it. Sure, I can go to Boise, but I have to really want to see the movie. A movie in Boise would include the hiring of a sitter since it wouldn't be a family movie and then driving an hour just to sit in a theater and come home because you have to relieve the sitter. Most movies aren't worth it. In the meantime, I will continue to get lost in the books as long as my family can handle the occasional bumming days with my nose buried into my Kindle. If I am lucky, some of it will rub off on my kids.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Kennels of Irritation

I once posted on my Facebook that I don't have pet peeves, I have entire kennels of irritation. Lots of people found it amusing, but I don't think they realize exactly how true that statement is. Something is guaranteed to irritate me each day. Sometimes big; sometimes small. Yesterday, it was the checkout counter at the Commissary. I had been there earlier to buy my groceries. I thought I had a pretty complete list, but I got home and realized there was one thing I had forgotten. No big deal. I will just run up and grab it before they close, which is at 5pm and that is a whole different irritation. Anyway, I go right to the item, grab it and head to the checkout. Since they have put in self-checkouts, there is no Express Lane. So I waited behind the people with at least 50 items to check themselves out. It never fails that there is some idiot who apparently can't read or who moves as slow as Christmas who is in that line. If you aren't capable of operating the machine, then you need to go through the checkout counter where there are people who are paid to do that for you. Don't make people with a couple of items stand in line waiting for you to figure out that tomato is spelled with a T. Ignorance in general irritates me. Daily I read people's posts on Facebook and I automatically start correcting grammar. It is really annoying when someone has a strong opinion about something and they are making a really good point, but its impact is lessened by horrible spelling and grammar. With school starting back, the people who are choosing to home school their kids never fails to fascinate me. I respect the majority of those who feel strongly and are more than capable of teaching their children; however, there never fails to be those people who can barely put two sentences together and surely were not scholars even in their time, but they truly believe that they can do a better job of teaching their children than those who are professionally trained to do so. I can't wait to see how that turns out. Guess that will be all for the day. I could go on about ignorant people forever and I wouldn't want to bore anyone.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Do I Care?

In this incredibly automated world, do you ever wonder who actually cares about you? Facebook has made it where everyone feels so close, so in touch with each other. If something good or bad happens, you post it to your status and you get comments or likes from a few people; the number will depend on the content of the message. However, do you ever wonder how many of your "friends" actually care about you and what is going on in your life? I have about 700 friends. I actually have known all of those people throughout my life either through high school, college, military life, kids' schools, etc. Do I care about all 700? I can't answer that with a solid yes. I do want to keep up with the big events, like marriages, divorces, babies, jobs, sickness and death. Honestly, keeping up with what you are having for dinner or what you are watching on TV is not at the top of my list. I will comment on the random statuses that are not big events, but those are on the people I regularly interact with. The people who take the time to chat one on one with me; the people who text or private message me; the people who I really believe care about what is going on in my life and that is not always listed in a Facebook status. So people come in and out of our lives for one reason or another. Maybe they were truly nothing more than an acquaintance or maybe they were friends of circumstance. Periodically I clean out my friends list, not because I am angry with someone or don't like them, but mostly because if I pretend to care about all of these random people, somehow those that I do care about slip through the cracks. Do I need to attempt to care about so many people when, most of the time, there are only a few who really care about me? Those who do are probably reading this blog because they know that my blog says a lot more about me than any status update ever will.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Guitar Man

So, confession time. I have always had a thing for artistic men. Whether it was actors, singers, writers, artists, or, God help me, guitar players. Unfortunately, my hubby is none of the above; bless his heart. He does appreciate it all, but just isn't that talented himself. For now, I want to talk about my attraction to musicians. I am focusing on this because I am spending hundreds of dollars for my son to take guitar lessons. He loves it and according to his instructor, he has a natural talent. As a parent, I am happy to foster his love and talent for music; however, as a woman, I often wonder "what the hell am I thinking!?!" I know exactly what happens to young girls the first time a boy picks up a guitar and plays for them. I remember how instantly his attractiveness increased if he was talented in the least. I can't tell you how many nights I sat and just listened to someone pick around on their guitar, God help me if they could sing too! Why would I want to turn my sweet little boy into that boy? All you women know that boy I am talking about. The crooner who could be a complete ass, but as long as he apologized with a sweet song, he was forgiven. The one who hung around long past his expiration date just because you can't stop seeing someone who cared enough to write you a song. You know why I do it? Because I am still a sucker for a boy with a guitar! I can sit and watch my son playing and see the smile on his face, and I know that he becomes a little less dorky when he plays. I know that there is always gonna be a girl who just can't resist the guitar player. I know that because of those girls, there are always going to be boys who want to be his friend. So, my desire to make my son's life a little easier outweighs the instinct that tells me not to make him that tortured musician that broke my heart so many times.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day

"A son is a son until he takes him a wife, but a daughter is a daughter, all of her life" While reading and hearing what people have done today on Father's Day, I have found that these words are very true for many. Don't get me wrong, I love my daddy. He was the person who showed me what a real husband and father was supposed to be like. He became the model for all men who entered my life to measure up to. I know lots of little girls feel the same way. However, the women I don't understand are the ones who can't seem to let go of being a daddy's girl once they have a husband. How can you expect your husband to feel important if you put him on a back burner for daddy? This is pretty important on Father's Day too. If you have made your husband a father, given him a bundle of joy or two, then you should remember that Father's Day is his day too. Don't get so wrapped up in being daddy's girl and forget your husband. Just think how you would feel if he focused more on his mother than you on Mother's Day. My two cents for the day!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I have spent my life on a constant mission. Searching for something. Sometimes I know what I am searching for and sometimes I am just on a blind trek. Often, I am on a search for myself. Life is hard and complicated and somewhere along the journey, you lose pieces of yourself. You lose your security when you leave home for the first time, whether it is to be out on your own or to go to college. You lose a big piece of your heart to your first love and most are not with that love forever. As a woman, I lost my name the day I got married. I know you don't have to do that, but I did, so I lost that long trusted identifying part of me. Then you have children and as much as they are wanted and loved, you become a parent and there is no turning back. I lost the woman I was before Mama. Now I am losing my youth and exhuberance and there is no turning back. So, I am on a mission. A mission to find the woman I was once. The one that I loved being and miss so often. I may make mistakes along the way, but I am only human. So wish me luck on this long journey. I pray that one day I can announce that I have arrived.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Taking care of our own

So, today one of my friends asked if I blogged every night. Sadly, I had to say no. Although confession is good for the soul, some days are so long and drawn out that I really don't have time to sit with my thoughts. Honestly, with my kids, it is amazing that I still find the time to have thoughts at all. Since I last blogged, lots has happened. Chris and I celebrated our 11th anniversary; Dalton finished the 2nd grade and Peyton finished preschool. Guess those would be the highlights. There was probably a million other things that happened that may have seemed like big things for all of 15 minutes and then the euphoria passed. I don't think I have to tell you all the horrible things that are going on in the world. The ones I speak of have mostly to do with the weather, at least in the United States. Seems like daily when I turn on the TV, there is a weather alert for some part of the country. People are losing their homes to tornados, floods, even horrific fires. It is so sad. Then I listen to the commentators talk about how financially difficult the relief efforts will be for the country. Maybe the idea of offering financial aide to those people who are taxpaying citizens of our country would not be so difficult if we did not spend all of our efforts offering assistance to other countries. I know I have plenty of friends who hear of tragedy on the news and they are ready to break out their checkbooks and send a donation. My thoughts have always been that the tragedy may be awful, but we, as a country, can not afford to keep offering assistance when no one is jumping to help us when we are in need. Fundraisers popped up all over to help out the Japan earthquake victims, but I want to know if the city of Joplin, MO has gotten a check from Japan, or even a Japanese based company? The reason this country is in such financial perils is because we are constantly trying to be savior in all situations. We can't continue to function in this way. How long are we going to let other countries basically beat us up in the world of technology and production and then turn around and offer up the big bucks because they can't seem to take care of their own. We are seen as this powerful, rich country, but we can't continue keeping up this appearance. We are borrowing money from untrustworthy sorts. It is like we have worked so hard at keeping up with the Jones's that we have turned to loan sharks to keep it up. How do we expect Americans to learn how to live within their means and take care of themselves when the country is not leading the way? I am sure you probably wonder how I went from family events to a economy bitch-fest....that is why it is called ramblings.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Love Me or Leave Me

So, I usually blog late at night. I think it has alot to do with the fact that I am usually up alone and the house is relatively quiet, so I have time to process everything that has been done or said during the day. So, if you have asked me something or told me something, rest assure that it is in these quiet times in the middle of the night that I take the time to mull it over. It isn't that I don't care about what you have said, I just normally don't have the time to think about it. This in no way means that I care about everything that is said. In actuality, I probably only care about maybe 25% and that may be a generous estimate. I have never been one to care what the masses think. Rocking the boat is often my specialty. Usually that is what people find the most endearing about me. However, if you don't like it, don't like me, then that is okay. I have more respect for those who dislike me and make that known than those who are fake and pretend to be a friend. You aren't fooling anyone, especially me. I don't let people get close. You may think that I have shared my deepest, darkest secrets with you, but the fact is, I am a pretty open person and there are lots of deeper, darker things that you will never know. Gernerally, people don't think I am a nice person, because most of the time I'm not. I am not the person to call when you want to hear the flowery, compassionate answer. You call me when you want to hear the truth and you know that it isn't easy to swallow, but you know that I will tell you. If you ask if you look fat in something, I will tell you the truth. If you think your spouse is cheating on you, I will tell you my honest opinion. Don't ask the question if you really don't want the answer. Sometimes my honesty scares people. I have a very good friend who was kind of forced into being my friend by circumstances and I think it scared her to death. However, after almost 10 years, she always says that I am not so bad as long as I am your friend, but she wouldn't want to be my enemy. I am really not that bad, well as long as I like you. There really aren't alot of people that I don't like enough that they should be scared. However, when I find someone that hits that nerve with me, NOTHING they do or say will change that. Usually I know this within minutes of meeting someone too. I think I get that from my mom. I can only think of one person that grates on my nerves at this base. That is a vast improvement over past assignments. Usually I meet at least 4 or 5, but surprisingly, not here. Maybe I am mellowing out in my old age. I know that there are some who would normally annoy me alot, but I just see them as young and misinformed now. I hope age doesn't mellow me too much. I would hate to lose that piss and vinegar personality that so many have come to love.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Shit Happens

So probably not a politically correct title, but it pretty much sums up my trip to Dallas. Everyone has wanted to know how the trip went and I want to be pretty frank. I suppose most of you know that I was interviewing for a job, not a lucrative job and not a job that would have me relocate, but a writing job that I would have done from the comfort of my home and most likely in my pajamas. Anyway, the process has been long and drawn out and the field of applicants was at almost 1500, so the fact that I was chosen as one of the final 50 to be selected for a face-to-face interview. So, I headed off to Dallas for what would be a very long day of people basically deciding if my opinions were worth printing and even remotely entertaining enough to be read. I was able to arrive a day ahead of most of the rest of the applicants and was able to rest up and get mentally ready for some of the biggest debates I had ever been involved in. On arrival evening, our agenda consisted of a cocktail social/meet and greet to get us all more comfortable with each other. Ridiculous to me. I used it as an opportunity to scope out the competition, anyone worthy of competition would have done the same. What I found is that about 20% of the people there were similar to me. However, I found the other 80% absolutely fascinating. Don't confuse my fascination as actual fear or intimidation, because I was neither of those, in fact, I didn't find that 80% remotely worthy competition. I mingled, listened more than I talked and paid close attention to all the unspoken things. I went to my hotel room feeling pretty good about the process. On the day of the interviews, I woke up early, got a good cup of coffee and got ready to show that I was much more than just some housewife and mother. I left my individual interview feeling on top of the world. The next part, not "listed" as so on the agenda, was basically a lunch/round table discussion. Two of the interview team joined us at my table, so I know that they were mentally filing away information about how we responded during the lunch "conversation". The conversation focus was current events, no problem for someone who keeps up with things pretty well. What is more current than Air Traffic Controllers falling asleep on the job? Of course, I have plenty to say from all angles due to my lovely hubby being one and having spent the last 12 years of my life surrounded by controllers, lingo, etc. Once we reached the end of the lunch, the pretty young twit of an assistant tapped me on my shoulder and asked that I come with her. This is where my day turned to shit. Apparently I was being released from the remainder of the interview process due to false information provided on my application. This is where I need to mention that the job was for an airline magazine. I say that only because when asked on my application whether anyone in my family worked for an airline or any of its affiliates, I said no. The minor flaw with this is that APPARENTLY they have decided that my husband, who is ATC in the Air Force, actually works for the FAA. Trust me when I say this, HE DEFINITELY DOES NOT! Just because my husband holds a pink card of certification with FAA credentials, that in no way makes him an official employee of the FAA. If they felt this way, I really wished they would share that information with all concerned parties because we apparently were owed a large sum of back pay for all the years of service because our pay stubb was definitely not that of an FAA controller! I was still sent on my merry way after being told that this was not an easy decision for them either because I was a top contender. I got to speak my mind. Of course I would never leave without having my say. So, as I said...shit happens! I said when I was getting ready to leave that I would see if God's plan for me was the same as my plan for myself. I guess I got my answer. There were some positive things about the trip. I got to reconnect with an old friend and spend some much needed time alone. The good news is spending time alone allows for plenty of soul-searching and the opportunity to really think about what it is you truly need and want in life. It is amazing what can happen when you remove yourself from your daily life and all the things that includes. I hope this answers everyone's questions. Shit may happen, but life is good!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Good Woman

As the good woman that I am, I spent the day paying bills, balancing our accounts and working out our "what if" budget. In case there is anyone who has not heard my latest rant, here it goes....if they don't come to an agreement on the federal budget and the government shuts down, my husband will be working without pay. Yeah, you heard me right. He will continue to show up on time, work his day and maybe additional hours, but we won't be paid on time. The current budget goes through April 8th, so essentially we will get a check for half of the work period. After that, no one knows. We are assured that we will be paid later, so it isn't that we won't be paid, but just not on time. I am not 100% sure, but I doubt that most creditors will like the idea of getting paid "sometime" for what is due right now. My questions is this... will welfare recipients receive their checks on time? Will those who are on disability checks but aren't actually disabled (we all know these people) get their checks on time? Probably so! The assistant to the assistant of the executive assistant of the White House Public Relations Director will probably get their check, but my husband who has served his country for almost 14 years and is in a legal and binding contract with the United States and Department of Defense may not be paid on time. This is the kind of things I thought about as I listened to the constant rhetoric about the government shutdown while managing to pay my bills (paying those on time to avoid late fees), balancing my checkbook (down to the last penny) and budgeting what remained in order to make it to the next paycheck (if there is one). Now, maybe the government just needs ONE GOOD WOMAN! How is it that most Americans manage to live paycheck to paycheck, taking care of the necessary expenses and sometimes managing to put a little away, donate to a good cause or buy something nice, but an entire room full of people supposedly elected to represent the average American can't seem to do the same? Could it be that these people are overpaid for their job? Maybe so overpaid that they have lost touch with the real world? Once this budget crisis is over, we will head full steam into an election season. The television will be inundated with interviews, speeches, debates, commercials, etc. I hope that everyone remembers what is happening right now when they go to vote. Don't listen to just what candidates say, but pay attention to what they do. We are a country in crisis. We are broke and we are indebted to countries that we have avoided crawling into bed with for decades. Yes, most Americans are in debt and mortgaged out their asses, but how can we really expect any better? With the example of our leadership, how can we really expect anything different? If Suze Orman is helping people get out of debt, maybe Obama should call Suze for some advice for the government? At this point, the one thing I find to be certain, is that the men and women who put their lives on the line for this country should be given some sort of governmental preference. Instead, they are getting a crash course in juggling funds, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and how to put off creditors. None of these are lessons that I want to ever teach my children. It is time to take a stand and say enough is enough. We have to remember that this is our country and none of them could be in the positions they are in if we don't put them there.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Freedom of Speech

I believe in freedom of speech. I have the right to say whatever I want to say, right here in the forum known as my personal blog. I haven't named you or specifically addressed you, so I have in no way infringed on your own rights. If you have found anything I have said on this blog offensive or if you disagree, please take the time to compose an intelligent and well thought out response to my post. If you find yourself incapable of doing so or if it has you so distraught you cannot function, then by all means, DON'T READ MY BLOG! Unlike tirades and rants that I may do within your personal hearing range which may be nearly impossible to ignore or tune out, the beauty of a blog is that you are reading my thoughts so you have the power to just not read it. I want to make this point clear as any messages sent to me in regards to said blog in which you insult my character, intelligence and overall moral character, I will then retaliate and I have no real problem replying in public and allowing everyone to see the utter ignorance to which I am subjected to on any one day. Take this as your formal warning; there will be no second warnings.

You Choose

You know the saying, you can't choose your family, well have you ever asked yourself if you could, would you choose the one you have? I am not talking about your husband and children, I am talking about the ones that came before you. We have all been there. We have had those moments where you wonder how you could possibly share the same DNA as those people. Some people may even toy with the idea that maybe they were adopted or abducted at a young age and that somewhere out there is a perfect family just waiting to find them. Well, this may be a shocker, but that picture perfect family does not exist. You may as well embrace the insanity because it is that insanity that made you who you are today. You do have a choice to make now though. You can sit around repeating all of the bad decisions and mistakes that your ancestors made or you can say, I know I am better than this and I will prove it. I will prove that your future is not predetermined by others' pasts. Maybe you came from a long line of alcoholics, but you can choose whether or not to take that first drink. Maybe you don't know who your dad is because your mom changed men more often than she changed clothes. You can choose whether you make a long term commitment to the one right man or you can choose to continue the trend, sleeping with/marrying all the wrong men and procreating every now and again. Maybe your dad was an abusive prick who either used you as a punching bag or worse, was a little too fond of you, if you know what I mean. You can choose to get the therapy to help you overcome what was done to you and hopefully not pass on those traits, or you can become the image of your father, but hopefully, someone will stop that trend. I come from a very long line of opinionated, loud-mouthed, overbearing women (and I don't care if any of them are reading this because they know it is true). I guess I could choose to end that trait too, but honestly, there are many worse things in my family history that I fight to overcome, I figure you have to prioritize things and being loud and bossy is just not at the top of my list. I am far from perfect; my family is far from perfect; however, I refuse to use the past as a crutch or excuse for decisions and choices that I make as an adult, in the present.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Am I any good?

Can you imagine being paid to give your opinions? I always knew that what I wanted to do more than anything in the world was to be paid for something I do for free already. Well, apparently my prayers may be answered. Someone who reads my blog or follows it on my Facebook has told someone else about it and they think that maybe I could blog for them. They are talking about paying me to sit down and give my OPINION on whatever subject they need. Not sure how this will work or even that it will happen, but just the idea that someone read something I wrote and said, she's not too bad. I started blogging just because I like to go off on a tangent about things and I know that neither my family nor my friends really have the time nor do they want to make the time to listen. Most of the time, I just have to get it off my chest and then I feel better. If I don't, I am like one of those pressure cookers who just cooks and cooks and eventually my top blows. BTW, I don't own a pressure cooker anymore. Those things scare me to death. I can't remember when my Grandma's house didn't have a big dent spot in her kitchen ceiling from one exploding. Anyway, I just thought that for once I would share something positive that didn't irritate me in any way. Not that later I may not return to the computer to tell you all the things that really got to me over the last week or so, but for now, I just wanted to say that someone likes me and actually noticed my rants for what they are. From what I can tell, the selection process is not going to happen overnight, but I will let you all know when you can read me somewhere other than here.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snowy Days and Mondays

Most of the time, all I want to do on Monday mornings is enjoy the quiet, have my coffee and catch up on what I may have missed over the weekend. Apparently, according to Facebook, just about everyone I know is having a snow day today. First of all, I find it quite amusing that after spending 32 of my 35 years living in Mississippi, I can probably count the number of snow days we had on my fingers. This is not taking into consideration the Ice Storm in 1994 that left us without electricity for two weeks and caused my high school graduation to be rescheduled. Now I live in Idaho where that ability to have snow was on the pro side of our moving list and we are getting a light dusting of flakes. I also find much amusement in the way snow is handled in the South. I suppose I never really noticed while living there because it was just what you did or maybe I could just remember being without power for that time, so I thought over-reacting was a good idea too. I would be willing to bet that there isn't a loaf of bread, can of tuna, crackers, water, etc. left in Walmarts in the South today. I can laugh at this now because I know that when snow falls here, our days go on. If you are lucky, some jobs will have late reporting because they want you to drive safely. School is cancelled once in a blue moon and nothing actually closes. We go to the grocery store to buy food because our cupboards are bare and not because we fear the great blizzard. Snow falling means lots of wet boots and having to wear skull caps and gloves. It means that you have to go out extra early to dust off your car and scrape the windows. This in no way means that I have grown tired of it, but that I have learned to adapt. I am trying to see the positive in all things these days. The whole glass half full thing is pretty new to me. I have always figured that you anticipate the worst and pray for the best. Days like this give me plenty of time to think about my blessings. So what if my health is not perfect right now. At least I was able to wake up this morning and go about my day. There are so many who are in constant pain, have limitations on their activity and even those who know that their days are numbered. Maybe Peyton is having one of those whiny, four year old days. Whining is like nails on a chalkboard to me, but I am so fortunate to be able to listen to him whine. So many people have lost their children or weren't blessed with the ability to have them. Hopefully he will soon make a funny comment or do something wonderful and that will remind me how wonderful it is to be a parent. I know that I don't have a perfect husband or marriage (Chris knows this too, so don't freak out). He has habits that drive me insane and we are continuously adjusting to living together. Even after almost 11 years of marriage, there are plenty of trials in our marriage, but we have made the choice to make it work and to work very hard at it. Afterall, leaving and staying are both options. You have to choose. All you new(er)lyweds remember that when you say that you want what we have. In order to have it, you have to work hard and fight like hell. God doesn't hand you perfection, you have to find your own perfection. With all his faults, let me say, they are nothing like some of the men I have encountered lately. My husband trusts me (some may say this could be one of his faults) and I have never had to constantly account for my whereabouts to him. I suppose he figured once I left my parents' home, enforcing a curfew on me would be ridiculous. Yes, I have met women with curfews. I have complete access to our finances. I earn very little of our income, but he doesn't see that as a reason to put me on an allowance or for me to have to ask permission to spend normal amounts of money. Yes, I know women on allowances. After he works all day, he would love to come home to a clean home and a homecooked meal on the table. He, however, understands that my day doesn't only consist of those two things and if it happens, he appreciates it, but he doesn't expect it. I have heard men berate their wives about not having dinner ready at a certain time. I know men who come home to sit and watch TV, never picking up a hand to help with the kids or simply give their children attention. Well, Chris is not one of those men and thank God! I am very fortunate. If he were, chances are I would be in prison right now, because a man like that would drive me to abuse, assault, maybe even murder. Now I am going to have lunch with my whiny son, probably soup because that is all that I can eat these days and maybe clean up a bit, just because he doesn't ask me to.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Testing Your Love

The holidays are a wonderful thing. I have always loved this season. I love getting together with friends and family. I love decorating my house, although the de-Christmasing takes me forever to get around to. I love the music and the movies. I love the way my kids' eyes light up on Christmas morning. I always loved being out of school or work for the holidays, like Christmas made time stand still. However, now that I am a parent with kids home for the holidays, I am so ready for the madness to end. If I hear that my kids are bored one more time after they have a room full of new toys that I have yet to find room for, I may have a breakdown. If I have to yell one more time to leave your brother alone or stop fighting or just be quiet, I may commit a felony. It is so funny how the same time of year that brings so much joy to my life can also bring so much frustration and aggravation. I love my children to the depths of my being. However, school vacations can most definitely test the true depth of that love. When I was a student, I would have cringed at the idea of year-round school, but as a parent....bring on the long school year. Dear State of Idaho, first and foremost you need to get with the program and realize that all-day kindergarten is the only way to go. Parents dream of the day their kids go to school for this reason. For those of us who stay home, we dream of having the hours to actually get things done. For those that work, they are looking forward to childcare expenses disappearing (or at least lessening) and no longer being childcare poor. We would also contend that even in the poorest states, children go to kindergarten all day. Also, while you are at it, look into the benefits of a year-round school year. The benefits of not having a bunch of bored adolescents roaming the streets for two months during the summer alone should be enough to consider it. I would love for my kids to be education forcused all twelve months out of the year. If I could do this myself, I would homeschool. Let's face it, I have enough trouble getting them to put their shoes away and put the seat down on the toilet, so getting them to do math and read daily is not that easy for me. As you may can tell, I am still stuck in the last days of our holiday break. While the first few days were nice, the novelty wore off a couple of days after Christmas. While we only have one day, you may find that I actually camp out in front of the building on Tuesday night just to make sure that they are at their respective schools at the earliest possible minute that they can be. I am so looking forward to the return to school and normalcy that I can assure you that Wednesday morning I will be like a kid on Christmas. I look forward to maybe having a cup of coffee with some adult conversation, so if anyone is interested, let me know. School will be starting back and I will regain my life again. Although it may not seem like much, those few hours a day are precious and I will never again take them for granted. To all the parents that say they aren't ready for school to go back...either you need to stop lying to yourself or I need to send you my kids because you are much better at this parenting thing than I am.

Sunday, January 2, 2011


Each year at this time, people sit around pondering what it is they can decide to do or not do that will make them better people. Most changes will only last two weeks at the most and then it is back to the same old thing that they always do. I, too, have been guilty of that in the past. Not this year. Resolutions to me seem like prohibiting myself from making choices. I don't get to rationalize what the better choice is because I have simply resolved not to do it. It is kind of like when your parents ground you. They take away your TV for a month; this will actually work to better your life, however, you didn't make the choice of your own free will to spend more time with books and less with TV, so when that month is up, you overdose on TV time. When you go on a diet, you deprive your body of things that it has become accustom to having. Yes, it may be a better thing, but instead of choosing to lessen your intake of the bad, you just say no more. Well, once you become tired of that, you over-indulge in those bad things almost to a point of gluttony. This year, I have resolved to make better choices in my life. That still leaves the choice part to me. If I make better choices, then the rest will fall into place. I will be healthier, maybe thinner, have better relationships, maybe be nicer (but I wouldn't count too much on that one). All in all, every vice that I may have are choices that I have made. I did not wake up one day as this person. Every fork I came to in the road, I made a choice as to which route to take and it got me here. Now I could backtrack and re-evaluate my life to exhaustion or I can just accept the past and make a real effort at making smarter choices. I am going to pick the later. If you like me, then chances are, you will continue to do so, whether my vices stay or go. If you don't like me, maybe you will start to, but honestly, one of my better choices is choosing to put me first and the opinions of outside entities can't and don't matter. If I died tomorrow, I just want to be remembered as a woman who lived her life to her fullest ability, with no regrets and as a friend said recently, "full of piss and vinegar". I want the idea of me to bring a smile to people's faces and if I can do that, for whatever reason, then I have been a success. Mostly, I resolve that this won't be my last year on this Earth, so don't think that you will be rid of me so fast. I still have plenty of soapbox rants left in me, plenty of opinions left to share and hopefully lots of smiles and laughs to produce. This is going to be a good year.