It's My Birthday

Today is my birthday and I am 36 years old. It isn't really one of those monumental ages. There are no special cards or balloons with a big 36 on them to mark the occasion. I don't personally find that I am especially "old", but I suppose in accordance with the average age of most military spouses that I am in regular contact with I am probably considered way past middle aged. So, for the record and to clarify some private comments I have been sent, yes, I know how much closer I am to 40. Also a point of record, I am not really concerned with growing older. I embrace every year that I inch closer to 40, just as I did getting closer to 30. I am simply a person who embraces my age and welcomes the new experiences with open arms. Each year is an opportunity to learn and grow more. I am easily 10 times better of a woman than I was at eighteen. There is a reason that they say older and wiser. I always heard about people fearing age, but times have changed. We no longer have a life span of 60 years and today, I probably barely reached middle age. I have so much life left in me. I always talk about my time at the W and how much those years meant to me and how much I learned. Learning to love and appreciate the "aging" me is just one more experience I gained. During my time at the W, I met so many fabulous alums and I had the pleasure of being around women who were in there 70s, 80s and even 90s who still had a real zest for life. Women who didn't decide at some arbitrary age that it was time to just sit around and wait to die. So as every year passes, my goal for the new year is just to live life to its fullest. To be true to myself and not some idea of what I should be. I hope to be a woman that some of the younger military spouses hope to emulate as I did with those before me and to someday be that wonderful older alum that inspires a young W girl. Now, if I could just manage to find my 18 year old body again...

Lost in Another World

I have been pretty much a bum the last few days. I can admit it. It was for the greater good though. After purchasing several books on my Kindle for the last few months and intending on reading them, I decided to finally get around to reading. I am not one of those people who can just read a chapter here and there. If the book is worth reading, I get so involved in the characters and plot that I almost refuse to put it down. I have always said that the world I enter in books is so much more interesting than anything I live daily. Now, if I could only get my kids to see reading the way I do. How do you really get someone to love reading? I know plenty of people who refuse to read because they know the movie is coming out soon and they will just watch that. I don't know if I have ever left a movie saying "that was SO much better than the book". If I am wrong, feel free to correct me. It isn't often that I get the chance to see new movies anymore. Our town has a small, two-screen theater. If the movie isn't one of the "big" releases or a kid-friendly flick, then we don't even get it. Sure, I can go to Boise, but I have to really want to see the movie. A movie in Boise would include the hiring of a sitter since it wouldn't be a family movie and then driving an hour just to sit in a theater and come home because you have to relieve the sitter. Most movies aren't worth it. In the meantime, I will continue to get lost in the books as long as my family can handle the occasional bumming days with my nose buried into my Kindle. If I am lucky, some of it will rub off on my kids.

Kennels of Irritation

I once posted on my Facebook that I don't have pet peeves, I have entire kennels of irritation. Lots of people found it amusing, but I don't think they realize exactly how true that statement is. Something is guaranteed to irritate me each day. Sometimes big; sometimes small. Yesterday, it was the checkout counter at the Commissary. I had been there earlier to buy my groceries. I thought I had a pretty complete list, but I got home and realized there was one thing I had forgotten. No big deal. I will just run up and grab it before they close, which is at 5pm and that is a whole different irritation. Anyway, I go right to the item, grab it and head to the checkout. Since they have put in self-checkouts, there is no Express Lane. So I waited behind the people with at least 50 items to check themselves out. It never fails that there is some idiot who apparently can't read or who moves as slow as Christmas who is in that line. If you aren't capable of operating the machine, then you need to go through the checkout counter where there are people who are paid to do that for you. Don't make people with a couple of items stand in line waiting for you to figure out that tomato is spelled with a T. Ignorance in general irritates me. Daily I read people's posts on Facebook and I automatically start correcting grammar. It is really annoying when someone has a strong opinion about something and they are making a really good point, but its impact is lessened by horrible spelling and grammar. With school starting back, the people who are choosing to home school their kids never fails to fascinate me. I respect the majority of those who feel strongly and are more than capable of teaching their children; however, there never fails to be those people who can barely put two sentences together and surely were not scholars even in their time, but they truly believe that they can do a better job of teaching their children than those who are professionally trained to do so. I can't wait to see how that turns out. Guess that will be all for the day. I could go on about ignorant people forever and I wouldn't want to bore anyone.

Do I Care?

In this incredibly automated world, do you ever wonder who actually cares about you? Facebook has made it where everyone feels so close, so in touch with each other. If something good or bad happens, you post it to your status and you get comments or likes from a few people; the number will depend on the content of the message. However, do you ever wonder how many of your "friends" actually care about you and what is going on in your life? I have about 700 friends. I actually have known all of those people throughout my life either through high school, college, military life, kids' schools, etc. Do I care about all 700? I can't answer that with a solid yes. I do want to keep up with the big events, like marriages, divorces, babies, jobs, sickness and death. Honestly, keeping up with what you are having for dinner or what you are watching on TV is not at the top of my list. I will comment on the random statuses that are not big events, but those are on the people I regularly interact with. The people who take the time to chat one on one with me; the people who text or private message me; the people who I really believe care about what is going on in my life and that is not always listed in a Facebook status. So people come in and out of our lives for one reason or another. Maybe they were truly nothing more than an acquaintance or maybe they were friends of circumstance. Periodically I clean out my friends list, not because I am angry with someone or don't like them, but mostly because if I pretend to care about all of these random people, somehow those that I do care about slip through the cracks. Do I need to attempt to care about so many people when, most of the time, there are only a few who really care about me? Those who do are probably reading this blog because they know that my blog says a lot more about me than any status update ever will.

Guitar Man

So, confession time. I have always had a thing for artistic men. Whether it was actors, singers, writers, artists, or, God help me, guitar players. Unfortunately, my hubby is none of the above; bless his heart. He does appreciate it all, but just isn't that talented himself. For now, I want to talk about my attraction to musicians. I am focusing on this because I am spending hundreds of dollars for my son to take guitar lessons. He loves it and according to his instructor, he has a natural talent. As a parent, I am happy to foster his love and talent for music; however, as a woman, I often wonder "what the hell am I thinking!?!" I know exactly what happens to young girls the first time a boy picks up a guitar and plays for them. I remember how instantly his attractiveness increased if he was talented in the least. I can't tell you how many nights I sat and just listened to someone pick around on their guitar, God help me if they could sing too! Why would I want to turn my sweet little boy into that boy? All you women know that boy I am talking about. The crooner who could be a complete ass, but as long as he apologized with a sweet song, he was forgiven. The one who hung around long past his expiration date just because you can't stop seeing someone who cared enough to write you a song. You know why I do it? Because I am still a sucker for a boy with a guitar! I can sit and watch my son playing and see the smile on his face, and I know that he becomes a little less dorky when he plays. I know that there is always gonna be a girl who just can't resist the guitar player. I know that because of those girls, there are always going to be boys who want to be his friend. So, my desire to make my son's life a little easier outweighs the instinct that tells me not to make him that tortured musician that broke my heart so many times.

Father's Day

"A son is a son until he takes him a wife, but a daughter is a daughter, all of her life" While reading and hearing what people have done today on Father's Day, I have found that these words are very true for many. Don't get me wrong, I love my daddy. He was the person who showed me what a real husband and father was supposed to be like. He became the model for all men who entered my life to measure up to. I know lots of little girls feel the same way. However, the women I don't understand are the ones who can't seem to let go of being a daddy's girl once they have a husband. How can you expect your husband to feel important if you put him on a back burner for daddy? This is pretty important on Father's Day too. If you have made your husband a father, given him a bundle of joy or two, then you should remember that Father's Day is his day too. Don't get so wrapped up in being daddy's girl and forget your husband. Just think how you would feel if he focused more on his mother than you on Mother's Day. My two cents for the day!

Searching

I have spent my life on a constant mission. Searching for something. Sometimes I know what I am searching for and sometimes I am just on a blind trek. Often, I am on a search for myself. Life is hard and complicated and somewhere along the journey, you lose pieces of yourself. You lose your security when you leave home for the first time, whether it is to be out on your own or to go to college. You lose a big piece of your heart to your first love and most are not with that love forever. As a woman, I lost my name the day I got married. I know you don't have to do that, but I did, so I lost that long trusted identifying part of me. Then you have children and as much as they are wanted and loved, you become a parent and there is no turning back. I lost the woman I was before Mama. Now I am losing my youth and exhuberance and there is no turning back. So, I am on a mission. A mission to find the woman I was once. The one that I loved being and miss so often. I may make mistakes along the way, but I am only human. So wish me luck on this long journey. I pray that one day I can announce that I have arrived.