Guitar Man

So, confession time. I have always had a thing for artistic men. Whether it was actors, singers, writers, artists, or, God help me, guitar players. Unfortunately, my hubby is none of the above; bless his heart. He does appreciate it all, but just isn't that talented himself. For now, I want to talk about my attraction to musicians. I am focusing on this because I am spending hundreds of dollars for my son to take guitar lessons. He loves it and according to his instructor, he has a natural talent. As a parent, I am happy to foster his love and talent for music; however, as a woman, I often wonder "what the hell am I thinking!?!" I know exactly what happens to young girls the first time a boy picks up a guitar and plays for them. I remember how instantly his attractiveness increased if he was talented in the least. I can't tell you how many nights I sat and just listened to someone pick around on their guitar, God help me if they could sing too! Why would I want to turn my sweet little boy into that boy? All you women know that boy I am talking about. The crooner who could be a complete ass, but as long as he apologized with a sweet song, he was forgiven. The one who hung around long past his expiration date just because you can't stop seeing someone who cared enough to write you a song. You know why I do it? Because I am still a sucker for a boy with a guitar! I can sit and watch my son playing and see the smile on his face, and I know that he becomes a little less dorky when he plays. I know that there is always gonna be a girl who just can't resist the guitar player. I know that because of those girls, there are always going to be boys who want to be his friend. So, my desire to make my son's life a little easier outweighs the instinct that tells me not to make him that tortured musician that broke my heart so many times.

Father's Day

"A son is a son until he takes him a wife, but a daughter is a daughter, all of her life" While reading and hearing what people have done today on Father's Day, I have found that these words are very true for many. Don't get me wrong, I love my daddy. He was the person who showed me what a real husband and father was supposed to be like. He became the model for all men who entered my life to measure up to. I know lots of little girls feel the same way. However, the women I don't understand are the ones who can't seem to let go of being a daddy's girl once they have a husband. How can you expect your husband to feel important if you put him on a back burner for daddy? This is pretty important on Father's Day too. If you have made your husband a father, given him a bundle of joy or two, then you should remember that Father's Day is his day too. Don't get so wrapped up in being daddy's girl and forget your husband. Just think how you would feel if he focused more on his mother than you on Mother's Day. My two cents for the day!

Searching

I have spent my life on a constant mission. Searching for something. Sometimes I know what I am searching for and sometimes I am just on a blind trek. Often, I am on a search for myself. Life is hard and complicated and somewhere along the journey, you lose pieces of yourself. You lose your security when you leave home for the first time, whether it is to be out on your own or to go to college. You lose a big piece of your heart to your first love and most are not with that love forever. As a woman, I lost my name the day I got married. I know you don't have to do that, but I did, so I lost that long trusted identifying part of me. Then you have children and as much as they are wanted and loved, you become a parent and there is no turning back. I lost the woman I was before Mama. Now I am losing my youth and exhuberance and there is no turning back. So, I am on a mission. A mission to find the woman I was once. The one that I loved being and miss so often. I may make mistakes along the way, but I am only human. So wish me luck on this long journey. I pray that one day I can announce that I have arrived.

Taking care of our own

So, today one of my friends asked if I blogged every night. Sadly, I had to say no. Although confession is good for the soul, some days are so long and drawn out that I really don't have time to sit with my thoughts. Honestly, with my kids, it is amazing that I still find the time to have thoughts at all. Since I last blogged, lots has happened. Chris and I celebrated our 11th anniversary; Dalton finished the 2nd grade and Peyton finished preschool. Guess those would be the highlights. There was probably a million other things that happened that may have seemed like big things for all of 15 minutes and then the euphoria passed. I don't think I have to tell you all the horrible things that are going on in the world. The ones I speak of have mostly to do with the weather, at least in the United States. Seems like daily when I turn on the TV, there is a weather alert for some part of the country. People are losing their homes to tornados, floods, even horrific fires. It is so sad. Then I listen to the commentators talk about how financially difficult the relief efforts will be for the country. Maybe the idea of offering financial aide to those people who are taxpaying citizens of our country would not be so difficult if we did not spend all of our efforts offering assistance to other countries. I know I have plenty of friends who hear of tragedy on the news and they are ready to break out their checkbooks and send a donation. My thoughts have always been that the tragedy may be awful, but we, as a country, can not afford to keep offering assistance when no one is jumping to help us when we are in need. Fundraisers popped up all over to help out the Japan earthquake victims, but I want to know if the city of Joplin, MO has gotten a check from Japan, or even a Japanese based company? The reason this country is in such financial perils is because we are constantly trying to be savior in all situations. We can't continue to function in this way. How long are we going to let other countries basically beat us up in the world of technology and production and then turn around and offer up the big bucks because they can't seem to take care of their own. We are seen as this powerful, rich country, but we can't continue keeping up this appearance. We are borrowing money from untrustworthy sorts. It is like we have worked so hard at keeping up with the Jones's that we have turned to loan sharks to keep it up. How do we expect Americans to learn how to live within their means and take care of themselves when the country is not leading the way? I am sure you probably wonder how I went from family events to a economy bitch-fest....that is why it is called ramblings.

Love Me or Leave Me

So, I usually blog late at night. I think it has alot to do with the fact that I am usually up alone and the house is relatively quiet, so I have time to process everything that has been done or said during the day. So, if you have asked me something or told me something, rest assure that it is in these quiet times in the middle of the night that I take the time to mull it over. It isn't that I don't care about what you have said, I just normally don't have the time to think about it. This in no way means that I care about everything that is said. In actuality, I probably only care about maybe 25% and that may be a generous estimate. I have never been one to care what the masses think. Rocking the boat is often my specialty. Usually that is what people find the most endearing about me. However, if you don't like it, don't like me, then that is okay. I have more respect for those who dislike me and make that known than those who are fake and pretend to be a friend. You aren't fooling anyone, especially me. I don't let people get close. You may think that I have shared my deepest, darkest secrets with you, but the fact is, I am a pretty open person and there are lots of deeper, darker things that you will never know. Gernerally, people don't think I am a nice person, because most of the time I'm not. I am not the person to call when you want to hear the flowery, compassionate answer. You call me when you want to hear the truth and you know that it isn't easy to swallow, but you know that I will tell you. If you ask if you look fat in something, I will tell you the truth. If you think your spouse is cheating on you, I will tell you my honest opinion. Don't ask the question if you really don't want the answer. Sometimes my honesty scares people. I have a very good friend who was kind of forced into being my friend by circumstances and I think it scared her to death. However, after almost 10 years, she always says that I am not so bad as long as I am your friend, but she wouldn't want to be my enemy. I am really not that bad, well as long as I like you. There really aren't alot of people that I don't like enough that they should be scared. However, when I find someone that hits that nerve with me, NOTHING they do or say will change that. Usually I know this within minutes of meeting someone too. I think I get that from my mom. I can only think of one person that grates on my nerves at this base. That is a vast improvement over past assignments. Usually I meet at least 4 or 5, but surprisingly, not here. Maybe I am mellowing out in my old age. I know that there are some who would normally annoy me alot, but I just see them as young and misinformed now. I hope age doesn't mellow me too much. I would hate to lose that piss and vinegar personality that so many have come to love.

Shit Happens

So probably not a politically correct title, but it pretty much sums up my trip to Dallas. Everyone has wanted to know how the trip went and I want to be pretty frank. I suppose most of you know that I was interviewing for a job, not a lucrative job and not a job that would have me relocate, but a writing job that I would have done from the comfort of my home and most likely in my pajamas. Anyway, the process has been long and drawn out and the field of applicants was at almost 1500, so the fact that I was chosen as one of the final 50 to be selected for a face-to-face interview. So, I headed off to Dallas for what would be a very long day of people basically deciding if my opinions were worth printing and even remotely entertaining enough to be read. I was able to arrive a day ahead of most of the rest of the applicants and was able to rest up and get mentally ready for some of the biggest debates I had ever been involved in. On arrival evening, our agenda consisted of a cocktail social/meet and greet to get us all more comfortable with each other. Ridiculous to me. I used it as an opportunity to scope out the competition, anyone worthy of competition would have done the same. What I found is that about 20% of the people there were similar to me. However, I found the other 80% absolutely fascinating. Don't confuse my fascination as actual fear or intimidation, because I was neither of those, in fact, I didn't find that 80% remotely worthy competition. I mingled, listened more than I talked and paid close attention to all the unspoken things. I went to my hotel room feeling pretty good about the process. On the day of the interviews, I woke up early, got a good cup of coffee and got ready to show that I was much more than just some housewife and mother. I left my individual interview feeling on top of the world. The next part, not "listed" as so on the agenda, was basically a lunch/round table discussion. Two of the interview team joined us at my table, so I know that they were mentally filing away information about how we responded during the lunch "conversation". The conversation focus was current events, no problem for someone who keeps up with things pretty well. What is more current than Air Traffic Controllers falling asleep on the job? Of course, I have plenty to say from all angles due to my lovely hubby being one and having spent the last 12 years of my life surrounded by controllers, lingo, etc. Once we reached the end of the lunch, the pretty young twit of an assistant tapped me on my shoulder and asked that I come with her. This is where my day turned to shit. Apparently I was being released from the remainder of the interview process due to false information provided on my application. This is where I need to mention that the job was for an airline magazine. I say that only because when asked on my application whether anyone in my family worked for an airline or any of its affiliates, I said no. The minor flaw with this is that APPARENTLY they have decided that my husband, who is ATC in the Air Force, actually works for the FAA. Trust me when I say this, HE DEFINITELY DOES NOT! Just because my husband holds a pink card of certification with FAA credentials, that in no way makes him an official employee of the FAA. If they felt this way, I really wished they would share that information with all concerned parties because we apparently were owed a large sum of back pay for all the years of service because our pay stubb was definitely not that of an FAA controller! I was still sent on my merry way after being told that this was not an easy decision for them either because I was a top contender. I got to speak my mind. Of course I would never leave without having my say. So, as I said...shit happens! I said when I was getting ready to leave that I would see if God's plan for me was the same as my plan for myself. I guess I got my answer. There were some positive things about the trip. I got to reconnect with an old friend and spend some much needed time alone. The good news is spending time alone allows for plenty of soul-searching and the opportunity to really think about what it is you truly need and want in life. It is amazing what can happen when you remove yourself from your daily life and all the things that includes. I hope this answers everyone's questions. Shit may happen, but life is good...so good!

A Good Woman

As the good woman that I am, I spent the day paying bills, balancing our accounts and working out our "what if" budget. In case there is anyone who has not heard my latest rant, here it goes....if they don't come to an agreement on the federal budget and the government shuts down, my husband will be working without pay. Yeah, you heard me right. He will continue to show up on time, work his day and maybe additional hours, but we won't be paid on time. The current budget goes through April 8th, so essentially we will get a check for half of the work period. After that, no one knows. We are assured that we will be paid later, so it isn't that we won't be paid, but just not on time. I am not 100% sure, but I doubt that most creditors will like the idea of getting paid "sometime" for what is due right now. My questions is this... will welfare recipients receive their checks on time? Will those who are on disability checks but aren't actually disabled (we all know these people) get their checks on time? Probably so! The assistant to the assistant of the executive assistant of the White House Public Relations Director will probably get their check, but my husband who has served his country for almost 14 years and is in a legal and binding contract with the United States and Department of Defense may not be paid on time. This is the kind of things I thought about as I listened to the constant rhetoric about the government shutdown while managing to pay my bills (paying those on time to avoid late fees), balancing my checkbook (down to the last penny) and budgeting what remained in order to make it to the next paycheck (if there is one). Now, maybe the government just needs ONE GOOD WOMAN! How is it that most Americans manage to live paycheck to paycheck, taking care of the necessary expenses and sometimes managing to put a little away, donate to a good cause or buy something nice, but an entire room full of people supposedly elected to represent the average American can't seem to do the same? Could it be that these people are overpaid for their job? Maybe so overpaid that they have lost touch with the real world? Once this budget crisis is over, we will head full steam into an election season. The television will be inundated with interviews, speeches, debates, commercials, etc. I hope that everyone remembers what is happening right now when they go to vote. Don't listen to just what candidates say, but pay attention to what they do. We are a country in crisis. We are broke and we are indebted to countries that we have avoided crawling into bed with for decades. Yes, most Americans are in debt and mortgaged out their asses, but how can we really expect any better? With the example of our leadership, how can we really expect anything different? If Suze Orman is helping people get out of debt, maybe Obama should call Suze for some advice for the government? At this point, the one thing I find to be certain, is that the men and women who put their lives on the line for this country should be given some sort of governmental preference. Instead, they are getting a crash course in juggling funds, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and how to put off creditors. None of these are lessons that I want to ever teach my children. It is time to take a stand and say enough is enough. We have to remember that this is our country and none of them could be in the positions they are in if we don't put them there.