Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A New View of the Parenting World

Today, Dalton was diagnosed with stress triggered migraines. Unfortunately, the stress trigger seems to be some bullies at day camp. I am at home during the day, so there is no reason other than him having fun for him to continue going. Now that he isn't finding it fun, then he will begin staying home with me. Since this has happened, I have taken a different view to parenting, mainly how others do it. After talking to other childcare providers who have only solidified my thoughts, I thought I would take the time to share them. You may or may not agree, but it is definitely food for thought. Kids will be kids. That is so very true, but there seems to be alot more bullying these days. I believe it has to do with the generation of parents that are coming up behind me. I was an older parent by most standards, especially Mississippi and the military. Dalton was not born until I was the ripe old age of 27. To many of you, that sounds young, but not so much in comparison to the parents I meet daily who have similar age children and were 16-18 at their birth. Now, with me being older, that means that my parents also came from a different generation. I was raised by baby boomers. In my home, the rules were made and you followed them until you left. College was not leaving if you received any kind of financial support. We did what we were told or we suffered the consequences. Those consequences did not include time outs. Time out was the amount of time your parents took to breath and calm down so when they did finally spank you (yes, I was spanked), they didn't kill you. We had chores that we did because we were told to, not because we got paid. We said yes ma'am and yes sir because there was no other way. If someone was older than us, we gave them respect unless otherwise instructed. Other people's parents, neighbors, or some random person in Walmart could correct us. At no time was it ever okay to say "you aren't my mom or dad". Children now are out of control. They are given no real rules or boundaries. Teachers and caretakers have no real authority. Everyone is afraid of what the government will do if they choose to say anything to any child. We once joked about calling social services on our parents and they would encourage us to make the call; they would offer to dial the number. Now, it isn't a joke. Children practically have the number on speed dial in their cell phones. If we don't want this country to continue on this downward spiral that it is on, we have to allow parents to discipline their children. We have to re-train the world in the natural order of things and that is parents have the power over the children and not vice versa. I am not condoning abuse because each family has to use whatever means works for their child. I have actually found with Dalton that his world comes to an end if he loses all the electronics in the house. Peyton, he doesn't like to think that people are angry with him and starts crying as soon as a voice is raised. However, my boys not only respect me, but they correct other children who they perceive disrespecting me. I don't want to shelter my kids from the world, but I want them to understand that some people are not "good". I don't allow them to play with kids who are disrespectful to their parents or who are destructive to their own or other people's property. If kids are mean to them, I teach them not to be friends with them because they aren't their friend. These are simple, basic life lessons that can get them through childhood and even adulthood. I encourage everyone to look around at your friends. If your own friends have parenting styles that differ greatly from your own and you see that in the near future their kids are going to be little terrors, you may want to re-evaluate whether or not their kid needs to be around your kid. I have to look at a bigger picture in the military with families coming from so many different areas and backgrounds. Somethings are just regional differences. I teach my kids to say Ms or Mr. before people's names, but that is a Southern thing. Minor differences are okay, but the bottom line is that your kids are going to learn from them as much as you and you have to decide what is worth the work it is going to take to undo what was done. That is my two cents.


  1. A to the freaking MEN! I am so nervous about other people's parenting as James grows up!

  2. heh. parenting in yankee land has been quite interesting - parents up here are pretty permissive plus having to remind adults that when my kids say "sir and ma'am" and Mr. and Mrs. that it is MY place as their parent to establish those boundries and that my kids won't be calling you "Mike" "Dude" "Amy" or whatever.