I Just Had A Thought....

Observation

2011-12-05T09:20:00.003-07:00

It has been awhile since I posted anything. Life has been kind of crazy and busy. Truth is, I haven't felt much like myself in a long time and I am just starting to get back in the swing of things. I have been in recovery from surgery for more than a month and during this time, social media has been my only real "connection" with the outside world. It is amazing how much you can learn without ever leaving your home. Some people are blaming Facebook for all the evils in their lives and you know, like always, I have an opinion on this. If a "friend" is posting comments that you find unforgivable or that make you think, "why are we friends?", then you simply need to delete them. I mean, if every word they utter makes your skin crawl and you fundamentally disagree with all their life choices, then it is time for you to edit them right out of your life. I am not personally someone who does this because the thing I love most about my friends is that they are so varied in their thoughts and beliefs that they truly enrich me as person. The difference in real friends and Facebook friends is that most people censor their feelings about things in order to not offend their true friends, but on Facebook, you tend to post something that is a dead giveaway to who you are as a person. It could be a shared video or a comment about politics or social issues. People say things on Facebook that they would never dream of saying to you, just because they try desperately to avoid face-to-face conflict. Secondly, Facebook did not ruin your marriage. If your spouse was not happy and found someone in "Facebookland" that they connected with, chances are it would have happened regardless. People were having affairs before the internet was ever invented. In fact, before Facebook, your spouse was connecting with someone at a local bar, live and in person. And, for the record, just because you put on your status that life is perfect and you are so in love, it doesn't make it so. If you aren't happy and you are living in a loveless marriage, Facebook statuses won't help that. You may think that you are faking it for the world, but trust me, there is always someone out there who knows the truth. It would be so much better for you to just say nothing. In fact, I believe in freedom of speech, but I also believe in having some dignity and that means, don't put everything out there for the world. There is a such thing as too much information. I don't want to read your constant bitching and complaining anymore than I want to read your sappy, fake crap. I may be about to do a little purging of my "friends" right now. Like I said, I like my friends to enrich me. I suppose if you make the cut, I must find something enriching about our relationship.

It's My Birthday

2011-09-19T13:31:00.002-06:00

Today is my birthday and I am 36 years old. It isn't really one of those monumental ages. There are no special cards or balloons with a big 36 on them to mark the occasion. I don't personally find that I am especially "old", but I suppose in accordance with the average age of most military spouses that I am in regular contact with I am probably considered way past middle aged. So, for the record and to clarify some private comments I have been sent, yes, I know how much closer I am to 40. Also a point of record, I am not really concerned with growing older. I embrace every year that I inch closer to 40, just as I did getting closer to 30. I am simply a person who embraces my age and welcomes the new experiences with open arms. Each year is an opportunity to learn and grow more. I am easily 10 times better of a woman than I was at eighteen. There is a reason that they say older and wiser. I always heard about people fearing age, but times have changed. We no longer have a life span of 60 years and today, I probably barely reached middle age. I have so much life left in me. I always talk about my time at the W and how much those years meant to me and how much I learned. Learning to love and appreciate the "aging" me is just one more experience I gained. During my time at the W, I met so many fabulous alums and I had the pleasure of being around women who were in there 70s, 80s and even 90s who still had a real zest for life. Women who didn't decide at some arbitrary age that it was time to just sit around and wait to die. So as every year passes, my goal for the new year is just to live life to its fullest. To be true to myself and not some idea of what I should be. I hope to be a woman that some of the younger military spouses hope to emulate as I did with those before me and to someday be that wonderful older alum that inspires a young W girl. Now, if I could just manage to find my 18 year old body again...

Lost in Another World

2011-08-11T08:34:00.002-06:00

I have been pretty much a bum the last few days. I can admit it. It was for the greater good though. After purchasing several books on my Kindle for the last few months and intending on reading them, I decided to finally get around to reading. I am not one of those people who can just read a chapter here and there. If the book is worth reading, I get so involved in the characters and plot that I almost refuse to put it down. I have always said that the world I enter in books is so much more interesting than anything I live daily. Now, if I could only get my kids to see reading the way I do. How do you really get someone to love reading? I know plenty of people who refuse to read because they know the movie is coming out soon and they will just watch that. I don't know if I have ever left a movie saying "that was SO much better than the book". If I am wrong, feel free to correct me. It isn't often that I get the chance to see new movies anymore. Our town has a small, two-screen theater. If the movie isn't one of the "big" releases or a kid-friendly flick, then we don't even get it. Sure, I can go to Boise, but I have to really want to see the movie. A movie in Boise would include the hiring of a sitter since it wouldn't be a family movie and then driving an hour just to sit in a theater and come home because you have to relieve the sitter. Most movies aren't worth it. In the meantime, I will continue to get lost in the books as long as my family can handle the occasional bumming days with my nose buried into my Kindle. If I am lucky, some of it will rub off on my kids.

Kennels of Irritation

2011-08-08T16:16:00.003-06:00

I once posted on my Facebook that I don't have pet peeves, I have entire kennels of irritation. Lots of people found it amusing, but I don't think they realize exactly how true that statement is. Something is guaranteed to irritate me each day. Sometimes big; sometimes small. Yesterday, it was the checkout counter at the Commissary. I had been there earlier to buy my groceries. I thought I had a pretty complete list, but I got home and realized there was one thing I had forgotten. No big deal. I will just run up and grab it before they close, which is at 5pm and that is a whole different irritation. Anyway, I go right to the item, grab it and head to the checkout. Since they have put in self-checkouts, there is no Express Lane. So I waited behind the people with at least 50 items to check themselves out. It never fails that there is some idiot who apparently can't read or who moves as slow as Christmas who is in that line. If you aren't capable of operating the machine, then you need to go through the checkout counter where there are people who are paid to do that for you. Don't make people with a couple of items stand in line waiting for you to figure out that tomato is spelled with a T. Ignorance in general irritates me. Daily I read people's posts on Facebook and I automatically start correcting grammar. It is really annoying when someone has a strong opinion about something and they are making a really good point, but its impact is lessened by horrible spelling and grammar. With school starting back, the people who are choosing to home school their kids never fails to fascinate me. I respect the majority of those who feel strongly and are more than capable of teaching their children; however, there never fails to be those people who can barely put two sentences together and surely were not scholars even in their time, but they truly believe that they can do a better job of teaching their children than those who are professionally trained to do so. I can't wait to see how that turns out. Guess that will be all for the day. I could go on about ignorant people forever and I wouldn't want to bore anyone.

Do I Care?

2011-07-15T14:26:00.002-06:00

In this incredibly automated world, do you ever wonder who actually cares about you? Facebook has made it where everyone feels so close, so in touch with each other. If something good or bad happens, you post it to your status and you get comments or likes from a few people; the number will depend on the content of the message. However, do you ever wonder how many of your "friends" actually care about you and what is going on in your life? I have about 700 friends. I actually have known all of those people throughout my life either through high school, college, military life, kids' schools, etc. Do I care about all 700? I can't answer that with a solid yes. I do want to keep up with the big events, like marriages, divorces, babies, jobs, sickness and death. Honestly, keeping up with what you are having for dinner or what you are watching on TV is not at the top of my list. I will comment on the random statuses that are not big events, but those are on the people I regularly interact with. The people who take the time to chat one on one with me; the people who text or private message me; the people who I really believe care about what is going on in my life and that is not always listed in a Facebook status. So people come in and out of our lives for one reason or another. Maybe they were truly nothing more than an acquaintance or maybe they were friends of circumstance. Periodically I clean out my friends list, not because I am angry with someone or don't like them, but mostly because if I pretend to care about all of these random people, somehow those that I do care about slip through the cracks. Do I need to attempt to care about so many people when, most of the time, there are only a few who really care about me? Those who do are probably reading this blog because they know that my blog says a lot more about me than any status update ever will.

Guitar Man

2011-06-25T21:46:00.002-06:00

So, confession time. I have always had a thing for artistic men. Whether it was actors, singers, writers, artists, or, God help me, guitar players. Unfortunately, my hubby is none of the above; bless his heart. He does appreciate it all, but just isn't that talented himself. For now, I want to talk about my attraction to musicians. I am focusing on this because I am spending hundreds of dollars for my son to take guitar lessons. He loves it and according to his instructor, he has a natural talent. As a parent, I am happy to foster his love and talent for music; however, as a woman, I often wonder "what the hell am I thinking!?!" I know exactly what happens to young girls the first time a boy picks up a guitar and plays for them. I remember how instantly his attractiveness increased if he was talented in the least. I can't tell you how many nights I sat and just listened to someone pick around on their guitar, God help me if they could sing too! Why would I want to turn my sweet little boy into that boy? All you women know that boy I am talking about. The crooner who could be a complete ass, but as long as he apologized with a sweet song, he was forgiven. The one who hung around long past his expiration date just because you can't stop seeing someone who cared enough to write you a song. You know why I do it? Because I am still a sucker for a boy with a guitar! I can sit and watch my son playing and see the smile on his face, and I know that he becomes a little less dorky when he plays. I know that there is always gonna be a girl who just can't resist the guitar player. I know that because of those girls, there are always going to be boys who want to be his friend. So, my desire to make my son's life a little easier outweighs the instinct that tells me not to make him that tortured musician that broke my heart so many times.

Father's Day

2011-06-19T20:28:00.002-06:00

"A son is a son until he takes him a wife, but a daughter is a daughter, all of her life" While reading and hearing what people have done today on Father's Day, I have found that these words are very true for many. Don't get me wrong, I love my daddy. He was the person who showed me what a real husband and father was supposed to be like. He became the model for all men who entered my life to measure up to. I know lots of little girls feel the same way. However, the women I don't understand are the ones who can't seem to let go of being a daddy's girl once they have a husband. How can you expect your husband to feel important if you put him on a back burner for daddy? This is pretty important on Father's Day too. If you have made your husband a father, given him a bundle of joy or two, then you should remember that Father's Day is his day too. Don't get so wrapped up in being daddy's girl and forget your husband. Just think how you would feel if he focused more on his mother than you on Mother's Day. My two cents for the day!

Searching

2011-06-01T12:57:00.003-06:00

I have spent my life on a constant mission. Searching for something. Sometimes I know what I am searching for and sometimes I am just on a blind trek. Often, I am on a search for myself. Life is hard and complicated and somewhere along the journey, you lose pieces of yourself. You lose your security when you leave home for the first time, whether it is to be out on your own or to go to college. You lose a big piece of your heart to your first love and most are not with that love forever. As a woman, I lost my name the day I got married. I know you don't have to do that, but I did, so I lost that long trusted identifying part of me. Then you have children and as much as they are wanted and loved, you become a parent and there is no turning back. I lost the woman I was before Mama. Now I am losing my youth and exhuberance and there is no turning back. So, I am on a mission. A mission to find the woman I was once. The one that I loved being and miss so often. I may make mistakes along the way, but I am only human. So wish me luck on this long journey. I pray that one day I can announce that I have arrived.

Taking care of our own

2011-05-17T10:32:00.001-06:00

So, today one of my friends asked if I blogged every night. Sadly, I had to say no. Although confession is good for the soul, some days are so long and drawn out that I really don't have time to sit with my thoughts. Honestly, with my kids, it is amazing that I still find the time to have thoughts at all. Since I last blogged, lots has happened. Chris and I celebrated our 11th anniversary; Dalton finished the 2nd grade and Peyton finished preschool. Guess those would be the highlights. There was probably a million other things that happened that may have seemed like big things for all of 15 minutes and then the euphoria passed. I don't think I have to tell you all the horrible things that are going on in the world. The ones I speak of have mostly to do with the weather, at least in the United States. Seems like daily when I turn on the TV, there is a weather alert for some part of the country. People are losing their homes to tornados, floods, even horrific fires. It is so sad. Then I listen to the commentators talk about how financially difficult the relief efforts will be for the country. Maybe the idea of offering financial aide to those people who are taxpaying citizens of our country would not be so difficult if we did not spend all of our efforts offering assistance to other countries. I know I have plenty of friends who hear of tragedy on the news and they are ready to break out their checkbooks and send a donation. My thoughts have always been that the tragedy may be awful, but we, as a country, can not afford to keep offering assistance when no one is jumping to help us when we are in need. Fundraisers popped up all over to help out the Japan earthquake victims, but I want to know if the city of Joplin, MO has gotten a check from Japan, or even a Japanese based company? The reason this country is in such financial perils is because we are constantly trying to be savior in all situations. We can't continue to function in this way. How long are we going to let other countries basically beat us up in the world of technology and production and then turn around and offer up the big bucks because they can't seem to take care of their own. We are seen as this powerful, rich country, but we can't continue keeping up this appearance. We are borrowing money from untrustworthy sorts. It is like we have worked so hard at keeping up with the Jones's that we have turned to loan sharks to keep it up. How do we expect Americans to learn how to live within their means and take care of themselves when the country is not leading the way? I am sure you probably wonder how I went from family events to a economy bitch-fest....that is why it is called ramblings.

Love Me or Leave Me

2011-05-01T23:31:00.003-06:00

So, I usually blog late at night. I think it has alot to do with the fact that I am usually up alone and the house is relatively quiet, so I have time to process everything that has been done or said during the day. So, if you have asked me something or told me something, rest assure that it is in these quiet times in the middle of the night that I take the time to mull it over. It isn't that I don't care about what you have said, I just normally don't have the time to think about it. This in no way means that I care about everything that is said. In actuality, I probably only care about maybe 25% and that may be a generous estimate. I have never been one to care what the masses think. Rocking the boat is often my specialty. Usually that is what people find the most endearing about me. However, if you don't like it, don't like me, then that is okay. I have more respect for those who dislike me and make that known than those who are fake and pretend to be a friend. You aren't fooling anyone, especially me. I don't let people get close. You may think that I have shared my deepest, darkest secrets with you, but the fact is, I am a pretty open person and there are lots of deeper, darker things that you will never know. Gernerally, people don't think I am a nice person, because most of the time I'm not. I am not the person to call when you want to hear the flowery, compassionate answer. You call me when you want to hear the truth and you know that it isn't easy to swallow, but you know that I will tell you. If you ask if you look fat in something, I will tell you the truth. If you think your spouse is cheating on you, I will tell you my honest opinion. Don't ask the question if you really don't want the answer. Sometimes my honesty scares people. I have a very good friend who was kind of forced into being my friend by circumstances and I think it scared her to death. However, after almost 10 years, she always says that I am not so bad as long as I am your friend, but she wouldn't want to be my enemy. I am really not that bad, well as long as I like you. There really aren't alot of people that I don't like enough that they should be scared. However, when I find someone that hits that nerve with me, NOTHING they do or say will change that. Usually I know this within minutes of meeting someone too. I think I get that from my mom. I can only think of one person that grates on my nerves at this base. That is a vast improvement over past assignments. Usually I meet at least 4 or 5, but surprisingly, not here. Maybe I am mellowing out in my old age. I know that there are some who would normally annoy me alot, but I just see them as young and misinformed now. I hope age doesn't mellow me too much. I would hate to lose that piss and vinegar personality that so many have come to love.

Shit Happens

2011-04-22T14:05:00.002-06:00

So probably not a politically correct title, but it pretty much sums up my trip to Dallas. Everyone has wanted to know how the trip went and I want to be pretty frank. I suppose most of you know that I was interviewing for a job, not a lucrative job and not a job that would have me relocate, but a writing job that I would have done from the comfort of my home and most likely in my pajamas. Anyway, the process has been long and drawn out and the field of applicants was at almost 1500, so the fact that I was chosen as one of the final 50 to be selected for a face-to-face interview. So, I headed off to Dallas for what would be a very long day of people basically deciding if my opinions were worth printing and even remotely entertaining enough to be read. I was able to arrive a day ahead of most of the rest of the applicants and was able to rest up and get mentally ready for some of the biggest debates I had ever been involved in. On arrival evening, our agenda consisted of a cocktail social/meet and greet to get us all more comfortable with each other. Ridiculous to me. I used it as an opportunity to scope out the competition, anyone worthy of competition would have done the same. What I found is that about 20% of the people there were similar to me. However, I found the other 80% absolutely fascinating. Don't confuse my fascination as actual fear or intimidation, because I was neither of those, in fact, I didn't find that 80% remotely worthy competition. I mingled, listened more than I talked and paid close attention to all the unspoken things. I went to my hotel room feeling pretty good about the process. On the day of the interviews, I woke up early, got a good cup of coffee and got ready to show that I was much more than just some housewife and mother. I left my individual interview feeling on top of the world. The next part, not "listed" as so on the agenda, was basically a lunch/round table discussion. Two of the interview team joined us at my table, so I know that they were mentally filing away information about how we responded during the lunch "conversation". The conversation focus was current events, no problem for someone who keeps up with things pretty well. What is more current than Air Traffic Controllers falling asleep on the job? Of course, I have plenty to say from all angles due to my lovely hubby being one and having spent the last 12 years of my life surrounded by controllers, lingo, etc. Once we reached the end of the lunch, the pretty young twit of an assistant tapped me on my shoulder and asked that I come with her. This is where my day turned to shit. Apparently I was being released from the remainder of the interview process due to false information provided on my application. This is where I need to mention that the job was for an airline magazine. I say that only because when asked on my application whether anyone in my family worked for an airline or any of its affiliates, I said no. The minor flaw with this is that APPARENTLY they have decided that my husband, who is ATC in the Air Force, actually works for the FAA. Trust me when I say this, HE DEFINITELY DOES NOT! Just because my husband holds a pink card of certification with FAA credentials, that in no way makes him an official employee of the FAA. If they felt this way, I really wished they would share that information with all concerned parties because we apparently were owed a large sum of back pay for all the years of service because our pay stubb was definitely not that of an FAA controller! I was still sent on my merry way after being told that this was not an easy decision for them either because I was a top contender. I got to speak my mind. Of course I would never leave without having my say. So, as I said...shit happens! I said when I was getting ready to leave that I would see if God's plan for me was the same as my plan for myself. I guess I got my answer. There were some positive things about the trip. I got to reconnect with an old friend and spend some much needed time alone. The good news is spending time alone allows for plenty of soul-searching and the opportunity to really think about what it is you truly need and want in life. It is amazing what can happen when you remove yourself from your daily life and all the things that includes. I hope this answers everyone's questions. Shit may happen, but life is good...so good!

A Good Woman

2011-04-06T23:56:00.003-06:00

As the good woman that I am, I spent the day paying bills, balancing our accounts and working out our "what if" budget. In case there is anyone who has not heard my latest rant, here it goes....if they don't come to an agreement on the federal budget and the government shuts down, my husband will be working without pay. Yeah, you heard me right. He will continue to show up on time, work his day and maybe additional hours, but we won't be paid on time. The current budget goes through April 8th, so essentially we will get a check for half of the work period. After that, no one knows. We are assured that we will be paid later, so it isn't that we won't be paid, but just not on time. I am not 100% sure, but I doubt that most creditors will like the idea of getting paid "sometime" for what is due right now. My questions is this... will welfare recipients receive their checks on time? Will those who are on disability checks but aren't actually disabled (we all know these people) get their checks on time? Probably so! The assistant to the assistant of the executive assistant of the White House Public Relations Director will probably get their check, but my husband who has served his country for almost 14 years and is in a legal and binding contract with the United States and Department of Defense may not be paid on time. This is the kind of things I thought about as I listened to the constant rhetoric about the government shutdown while managing to pay my bills (paying those on time to avoid late fees), balancing my checkbook (down to the last penny) and budgeting what remained in order to make it to the next paycheck (if there is one). Now, maybe the government just needs ONE GOOD WOMAN! How is it that most Americans manage to live paycheck to paycheck, taking care of the necessary expenses and sometimes managing to put a little away, donate to a good cause or buy something nice, but an entire room full of people supposedly elected to represent the average American can't seem to do the same? Could it be that these people are overpaid for their job? Maybe so overpaid that they have lost touch with the real world? Once this budget crisis is over, we will head full steam into an election season. The television will be inundated with interviews, speeches, debates, commercials, etc. I hope that everyone remembers what is happening right now when they go to vote. Don't listen to just what candidates say, but pay attention to what they do. We are a country in crisis. We are broke and we are indebted to countries that we have avoided crawling into bed with for decades. Yes, most Americans are in debt and mortgaged out their asses, but how can we really expect any better? With the example of our leadership, how can we really expect anything different? If Suze Orman is helping people get out of debt, maybe Obama should call Suze for some advice for the government? At this point, the one thing I find to be certain, is that the men and women who put their lives on the line for this country should be given some sort of governmental preference. Instead, they are getting a crash course in juggling funds, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and how to put off creditors. None of these are lessons that I want to ever teach my children. It is time to take a stand and say enough is enough. We have to remember that this is our country and none of them could be in the positions they are in if we don't put them there.

Freedom of Speech

2011-02-16T16:16:00.002-07:00

I believe in freedom of speech. I have the right to say whatever I want to say, right here in the forum known as my personal blog. I haven't named you or specifically addressed you, so I have in no way infringed on your own rights. If you have found anything I have said on this blog offensive or if you disagree, please take the time to compose an intelligent and well thought out response to my post. If you find yourself incapable of doing so or if it has you so distraught you cannot function, then by all means, DON'T READ MY BLOG! Unlike tirades and rants that I may do within your personal hearing range which may be nearly impossible to ignore or tune out, the beauty of a blog is that you are reading my thoughts so you have the power to just not read it. I want to make this point clear as any messages sent to me in regards to said blog in which you insult my character, intelligence and overall moral character, I will then retaliate and I have no real problem replying in public and allowing everyone to see the utter ignorance to which I am subjected to on any one day. Take this as your formal warning; there will be no second warnings.

You Choose

2011-02-16T13:15:00.003-07:00

You know the saying, you can't choose your family, well have you ever asked yourself if you could, would you choose the one you have? I am not talking about your husband and children, I am talking about the ones that came before you. We have all been there. We have had those moments where you wonder how you could possibly share the same DNA as those people. Some people may even toy with the idea that maybe they were adopted or abducted at a young age and that somewhere out there is a perfect family just waiting to find them. Well, this may be a shocker, but that picture perfect family does not exist. You may as well embrace the insanity because it is that insanity that made you who you are today. You do have a choice to make now though. You can sit around repeating all of the bad decisions and mistakes that your ancestors made or you can say, I know I am better than this and I will prove it. I will prove that your future is not predetermined by others' pasts. Maybe you came from a long line of alcoholics, but you can choose whether or not to take that first drink. Maybe you don't know who your dad is because your mom changed men more often than she changed clothes. You can choose whether you make a long term commitment to the one right man or you can choose to continue the trend, sleeping with/marrying all the wrong men and procreating every now and again. Maybe your dad was an abusive prick who either used you as a punching bag or worse, was a little too fond of you, if you know what I mean. You can choose to get the therapy to help you overcome what was done to you and hopefully not pass on those traits, or you can become the image of your father, but hopefully, someone will stop that trend. I come from a very long line of opinionated, loud-mouthed, overbearing women (and I don't care if any of them are reading this because they know it is true). I guess I could choose to end that trait too, but honestly, there are many worse things in my family history that I fight to overcome, I figure you have to prioritize things and being loud and bossy is just not at the top of my list. I am far from perfect; my family is far from perfect; however, I refuse to use the past as a crutch or excuse for decisions and choices that I make as an adult, in the present.

Am I any good?

2011-02-10T16:48:00.003-07:00

Can you imagine being paid to give your opinions? I always knew that what I wanted to do more than anything in the world was to be paid for something I do for free already. Well, apparently my prayers may be answered. Someone who reads my blog or follows it on my Facebook has told someone else about it and they think that maybe I could blog for them. They are talking about paying me to sit down and give my OPINION on whatever subject they need. Not sure how this will work or even that it will happen, but just the idea that someone read something I wrote and said, she's not too bad. I started blogging just because I like to go off on a tangent about things and I know that neither my family nor my friends really have the time nor do they want to make the time to listen. Most of the time, I just have to get it off my chest and then I feel better. If I don't, I am like one of those pressure cookers who just cooks and cooks and eventually my top blows. BTW, I don't own a pressure cooker anymore. Those things scare me to death. I can't remember when my Grandma's house didn't have a big dent spot in her kitchen ceiling from one exploding. Anyway, I just thought that for once I would share something positive that didn't irritate me in any way. Not that later I may not return to the computer to tell you all the things that really got to me over the last week or so, but for now, I just wanted to say that someone likes me and actually noticed my rants for what they are. From what I can tell, the selection process is not going to happen overnight, but I will let you all know when you can read me somewhere other than here.

Snowy Days and Mondays

2011-01-10T11:30:00.004-07:00

Most of the time, all I want to do on Monday mornings is enjoy the quiet, have my coffee and catch up on what I may have missed over the weekend. Apparently, according to Facebook, just about everyone I know is having a snow day today. First of all, I find it quite amusing that after spending 32 of my 35 years living in Mississippi, I can probably count the number of snow days we had on my fingers. This is not taking into consideration the Ice Storm in 1994 that left us without electricity for two weeks and caused my high school graduation to be rescheduled. Now I live in Idaho where that ability to have snow was on the pro side of our moving list and we are getting a light dusting of flakes. I also find much amusement in the way snow is handled in the South. I suppose I never really noticed while living there because it was just what you did or maybe I could just remember being without power for that time, so I thought over-reacting was a good idea too. I would be willing to bet that there isn't a loaf of bread, can of tuna, crackers, water, etc. left in Walmarts in the South today. I can laugh at this now because I know that when snow falls here, our days go on. If you are lucky, some jobs will have late reporting because they want you to drive safely. School is cancelled once in a blue moon and nothing actually closes. We go to the grocery store to buy food because our cupboards are bare and not because we fear the great blizzard. Snow falling means lots of wet boots and having to wear skull caps and gloves. It means that you have to go out extra early to dust off your car and scrape the windows. This in no way means that I have grown tired of it, but that I have learned to adapt. I am trying to see the positive in all things these days. The whole glass half full thing is pretty new to me. I have always figured that you anticipate the worst and pray for the best. Days like this give me plenty of time to think about my blessings. So what if my health is not perfect right now. At least I was able to wake up this morning and go about my day. There are so many who are in constant pain, have limitations on their activity and even those who know that their days are numbered. Maybe Peyton is having one of those whiny, four year old days. Whining is like nails on a chalkboard to me, but I am so fortunate to be able to listen to him whine. So many people have lost their children or weren't blessed with the ability to have them. Hopefully he will soon make a funny comment or do something wonderful and that will remind me how wonderful it is to be a parent. I know that I don't have a perfect husband or marriage (Chris knows this too, so don't freak out). He has habits that drive me insane and we are continuously adjusting to living together. Even after almost 11 years of marriage, there are plenty of trials in our marriage, but we have made the choice to make it work and to work very hard at it. Afterall, leaving and staying are both options. You have to choose. All you new(er)lyweds remember that when you say that you want what we have. In order to have it, you have to work hard and fight like hell. God doesn't hand you perfection, you have to find your own perfection. With all his faults, let me say, they are nothing like some of the men I have encountered lately. My husband trusts me (some may say this could be one of his faults) and I have never had to constantly account for my whereabouts to him. I suppose he figured once I left my parents' home, enforcing a curfew on me would be ridiculous. Yes, I have met women with curfews. I have complete access to our finances. I earn very little of our income, but he doesn't see that as a reason to put me on an allowance or for me to have to ask permission to spend normal amounts of money. Yes, I know women on allowances. After he works all day, he would love to come home to a clean home and a homecooked meal on the table. He, however, understands that my day doesn't only consist of those two things and if it happens, he appreciates it, but he doesn't expect it. I have heard men berate their wives about not having dinner ready at a certain time. I know men who come home to sit and watch TV, never picking up a hand to help with the kids or simply give their children attention. Well, Chris is not one of those men and thank God! I am very fortunate. If he were, chances are I would be in prison right now, because a man like that would drive me to abuse, assault, maybe even murder. Now I am going to have lunch with my whiny son, probably soup because that is all that I can eat these days and maybe clean up a bit, just because he doesn't ask me to.

Testing Your Love

2011-01-04T00:46:00.002-07:00

The holidays are a wonderful thing. I have always loved this season. I love getting together with friends and family. I love decorating my house, although the de-Christmasing takes me forever to get around to. I love the music and the movies. I love the way my kids' eyes light up on Christmas morning. I always loved being out of school or work for the holidays, like Christmas made time stand still. However, now that I am a parent with kids home for the holidays, I am so ready for the madness to end. If I hear that my kids are bored one more time after they have a room full of new toys that I have yet to find room for, I may have a breakdown. If I have to yell one more time to leave your brother alone or stop fighting or just be quiet, I may commit a felony. It is so funny how the same time of year that brings so much joy to my life can also bring so much frustration and aggravation. I love my children to the depths of my being. However, school vacations can most definitely test the true depth of that love. When I was a student, I would have cringed at the idea of year-round school, but as a parent....bring on the long school year. Dear State of Idaho, first and foremost you need to get with the program and realize that all-day kindergarten is the only way to go. Parents dream of the day their kids go to school for this reason. For those of us who stay home, we dream of having the hours to actually get things done. For those that work, they are looking forward to childcare expenses disappearing (or at least lessening) and no longer being childcare poor. We would also contend that even in the poorest states, children go to kindergarten all day. Also, while you are at it, look into the benefits of a year-round school year. The benefits of not having a bunch of bored adolescents roaming the streets for two months during the summer alone should be enough to consider it. I would love for my kids to be education forcused all twelve months out of the year. If I could do this myself, I would homeschool. Let's face it, I have enough trouble getting them to put their shoes away and put the seat down on the toilet, so getting them to do math and read daily is not that easy for me. As you may can tell, I am still stuck in the last days of our holiday break. While the first few days were nice, the novelty wore off a couple of days after Christmas. While we only have one day, you may find that I actually camp out in front of the building on Tuesday night just to make sure that they are at their respective schools at the earliest possible minute that they can be. I am so looking forward to the return to school and normalcy that I can assure you that Wednesday morning I will be like a kid on Christmas. I look forward to maybe having a cup of coffee with some adult conversation, so if anyone is interested, let me know. School will be starting back and I will regain my life again. Although it may not seem like much, those few hours a day are precious and I will never again take them for granted. To all the parents that say they aren't ready for school to go back...either you need to stop lying to yourself or I need to send you my kids because you are much better at this parenting thing than I am.

Resolution

2011-01-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

Each year at this time, people sit around pondering what it is they can decide to do or not do that will make them better people. Most changes will only last two weeks at the most and then it is back to the same old thing that they always do. I, too, have been guilty of that in the past. Not this year. Resolutions to me seem like prohibiting myself from making choices. I don't get to rationalize what the better choice is because I have simply resolved not to do it. It is kind of like when your parents ground you. They take away your TV for a month; this will actually work to better your life, however, you didn't make the choice of your own free will to spend more time with books and less with TV, so when that month is up, you overdose on TV time. When you go on a diet, you deprive your body of things that it has become accustom to having. Yes, it may be a better thing, but instead of choosing to lessen your intake of the bad, you just say no more. Well, once you become tired of that, you over-indulge in those bad things almost to a point of gluttony. This year, I have resolved to make better choices in my life. That still leaves the choice part to me. If I make better choices, then the rest will fall into place. I will be healthier, maybe thinner, have better relationships, maybe be nicer (but I wouldn't count too much on that one). All in all, every vice that I may have are choices that I have made. I did not wake up one day as this person. Every fork I came to in the road, I made a choice as to which route to take and it got me here. Now I could backtrack and re-evaluate my life to exhaustion or I can just accept the past and make a real effort at making smarter choices. I am going to pick the later. If you like me, then chances are, you will continue to do so, whether my vices stay or go. If you don't like me, maybe you will start to, but honestly, one of my better choices is choosing to put me first and the opinions of outside entities can't and don't matter. If I died tomorrow, I just want to be remembered as a woman who lived her life to her fullest ability, with no regrets and as a friend said recently, "full of piss and vinegar". I want the idea of me to bring a smile to people's faces and if I can do that, for whatever reason, then I have been a success. Mostly, I resolve that this won't be my last year on this Earth, so don't think that you will be rid of me so fast. I still have plenty of soapbox rants left in me, plenty of opinions left to share and hopefully lots of smiles and laughs to produce. This is going to be a good year.

The Art of Giving and Receiving

2010-12-08T12:52:00.004-07:00

Okay, so as you can imagine, I have several pet peeves. I don't have the time to, nor would I want to burden you with all the things that bother me. However, considering the time of year, I think that my pet peeve at people's lack of thought and graciousness with gift giving is an appropriate one to address. When I was younger, a teenager I think, my sister and I spent a great deal of money purchasing a Christmas gift for my mother. Now, anyone who knows Margrett, knows that she does not mix words and back then, she was younger and had very little tact. I don't remember what it looked like, but I know it was something to wear. Seeing that I shopped with Taffy, I am sure it was something nice, but definitely meant to "update" mom's wardrobe. When she opened the gift, she looked it over and then looked us straight in the face and said, "Take this back. You didn't buy this for me." I agree that that is in no way how to graciously accept a gift, but since she was our mother and her goal was to teach us, she said this with the best of intentions. The lesson we quickly learned was that when purchasing a gift, you have to keep the recipient in mind. The amount of money you spend or how nice the gift is has little to do with whether or not they will like the gift. So goes the old adage, "it's the thought that counts". That is in no way meant to mean that as long as you think about getting something, you did enough. It means that the most important part of a gift is that you take the time to really think about what a person likes or needs and spend your time getting something for that person. A gift that instantly says, I know you well. I try to always remember that lesson, as I hope all of you will remember it too this holiday season. I would rather have something that I would like and need that you bought at a dollar store than something that doesn't look like me or is useless that you spent $100 on (later in life I am sure my kids will love this). However, with that being said, if we are in a gift exchanging situation (family drawings for example) and you have to ask what to give me and actually want a detailed gift description to include where to buy it, then you really shouldn't be buying me anything anyway. I love the surprise of the holiday. I like seeing what you WANT to give me. If you are going to go out and get the exact item I wanted and then you want me to do the same thing, then we should just keep our money and purchase what we want on our own. I take time to think about every gift. I LOVE giving gifts. If you get a gift from me, that doesn't mean that I expect you to buy me something (although I do like presents). It means that I thought of you when I bought the gift and seeing you happy to get it is enough. I am the "happy" person. I buy little things on occasion and give them to people just because. This is not an invite to message me about how you can become a recipient! You will just have to wait and see :) I plan to teach my children just as my mother taught me (hopefully with more tact). Everyone tries to remember about the receiving part and sending a thank you note. That is a dying art that I want to make sure doesn't die in my family too, but take the time to teach about giving and giving without expectations. It is amazing how just a few dollars and a little time can brighten a person's day. You should try it this year.

Love is a Funny Thing

2010-11-01T12:16:00.002-06:00

When we are growing up, if we are lucky, our parents told us everyday how much they love us...mine did. Then as we grow older, we are taught that there is only room in our hearts to love but just one person for life. What kind of BS is that? Everytime you fall in love, you give a little bit of your heart away. Sometimes you find out that it wasn't real love and you recover and can pass that along to someone else. I figure, the older you get, the less you have leftover to hand out. I am sure that the first person I loved, the one who made my stomach do flipflops and had butterflies, is still in a little part of my heart. The first person I had a real adult, intimate relationship with most definitely took a piece of my heart. Then I met my husband and he took up most of what was left, but then I gave birth to two precious little boys who tugged at those heart strings and I fell in love with them before I we ever met them. They will forever be in my heart. In all my years, I have had many friendse who I could love no more if they were my own flesh and blood. My sister and I have one of the best friendships I have ever had and I know that I love her more than most people love their siblings (although we didn't always feel this way). I am sure that I have room in my heart to love alot of people in alot of ways. We are made this way for a reason. I can't imagine going through life and only loving one person. What kind of life would that have made for me? So, I plan on letting my kids know that there are many different kinds of love and many different ways to love; and just because you begin to love one person it doesn't mean that you have to stop loving another, you just have to prioritize that love. However, there is one lessons that I was taught as a child that I will pass on to my kids. Always make sure you tell the ones you love that you love them. There may come a day when they aren't around to hear it and you don't want to forever wonder if they knew. I wish people weren't so shy or embarrassed by this. I think hearing someone say I love you makes you feel so wonderful, I don't think it should be those "dreaded three words". No one should dread saying them unless they are doing so out of obligation and not because of real feelings. So, today, tell your spouse you love them; hug your kids and tell them you love them; send a text, email, Facebook, etc. to whomever you think may not know this. You would be surprised who you may happen to tell that really needed to hear it and you may even save their life by letting them know. I plan on doing it.

Home on the Range

2010-09-06T22:36:00.003-06:00

Well, we have been living in Idaho for two weeks now. I didn't want to blog about being here until I really knew how I felt. My answer is...so far, so good! We arrived on Sunday, August 22nd and on Monday morning we enrolled Dalton into school at Mountain Home Air Base Primary. It is a small school with only three second grade classes. It is not a Department of Defense school, but it is located on the base and operated by the local public school system. He loves it and to put to ease anyone on the MS Gulf Coast's curiosity of his preparedness from Biloxi Public Schools, he is on course, if not a little ahead. We checked into the housing office on that Monday and were given keys to 3 different houses to look over and decide what the best fit would be. We chose a wonderful house in the SNCO area of the base. It is a 3 bedroom/2.5 bath house with a 2 car garage. It is supposedly about 2400 sq ft. It doesn't have a fence, which would ordinarily be a deal breaker, but the house was too great to pass up. We installed an invisible fence for Maggie which she seems to have adjusted to within the first 5 days. While in the housing office accepting the house, I received a call from the transport driver carrying our household goods. He would be in the area on Tuesday and wanted to know if we had an address or if he was to bring the stuff to temporary storage. So, we accepted delivery of our household goods less than 48 hours of arriving at Mountain Home. Strangely, this place already feels like home. I will be the first to admit that it is a SMALL town. In fact, the small town is about a 10 minute drive from the base. The people all seem very nice. It is a working class kind of area. We have been to Boise twice in the two weeks. Boise is only about 45 minutes away and has everything that we really need. Plus, I lived overseas and in post-Katrina Biloxi, so I am pretty good with internet shopping. That probably scares Chris alot. I grew up in a small town, so I am readjusting to this lifestyle. Everything is really slow. People are not in a rush to do anything. It is so peaceful here. Even the noisiest time of day is not as noisy as the quietest time in Biloxi. We can sit out in our backyard and watch the kids play on the playground, look out at the mountains in the distance or see every star and constellation in the sky. It is so surreal and I have felt my stress level be cut in half. I don't know how long we will be at our little house in the desert, but I plan on enjoying it while I am here. We haven't had the time or opportunity to do much exploring yet, but we are almost completely unpacked and settled, so we will soon start exploring what Idaho has to offer. I look forward to sharing all of the beauty of this part of the country with all of you.

Trip to Idaho Part 3

2010-08-21T22:08:00.002-06:00

Today the majority of our trip was spent on I-80W going through the rest of Wyoming. It was a long and quite monotonous trip, but it was far from boring. There isn't much there, but the sights were beautiful. Every state has had its own highs and lows and each one has its own special beauty. I have never been this far west, so I am speechless at some of the sights. We entered Utah today. I am in love so far. If Idaho is half as beautiful as this state, then I may be content for life. We are staying in Ogden, Utah tonight. We even have mountain views from our hotel. We had dinner at a family owned Mexican restaurant that was very good and thus far, we have not met a rude person yet. Everyone has been friendly and fascinated by the sound of my voice alone. The boys are entranced by the amount of trains they have seen today. The west still uses trains for the transport of many things. Dalton said it was the best day ever! Both boys are very happy about the move and want us to get a house that is up on a mountain. Don't think that will be happening, but it is nice that they want that. It shows me that they can see the beauty around them too. As we walked back to the hotel after dinner, Dalton looked up at the mountain range behind the hotel and he actually thought it was a painting. He was shocked to find out that they were real. That is the beauty surrounding us here. It is so breathtaking that to the young eye, it has to be a painting because he can't imagine it actually existing. I have posted some pictures on my Facebook and now I must turn in for the night. Tomorrow is the big day that we arrive at our new home in Idaho. I am sure I will have much to say about that tomorrow night.

Trip to Idaho Part 2

2010-08-20T20:17:00.004-06:00

Today was long.....there is really no other way to describe it. We got on I-80W about 1 mile from our hotel in Lincoln and we stayed on that until about 1 mile from our hotel here in Cheyenne. Anyone who has traveled that road can tell you how completely monotonous that can be. On a high note, the speed limit is 75. I won't say that the drive was completely boring because it wasn't. The countryside is absolutely beautiful and very clean. The sky was bright blue and at points I could see the horizon like in the Delta, but the colors were much more brilliant and not so drab. Chris compared the fields to the ocean and how they almost rippled out as far as the eye could see. I can only imagine how many stars we could see out there in the middle of the night. At first all we saw was corn fields for miles. I don't think I had seen that much of one crop grown in my life. Not even in the Delta farmlands. Eventually we started seeing other crops, but still fields and more fields. Occasionally a town would just pop up when you would cross a hill and there it was in the valley there. It reminded me alot of the villages you could see in Germany just pop up while you are driving the Autobahn. Dalton actually said that it was so beautiful out here that he wanted to live here forever. One, we aren't actually in Idaho yet, so we won't be "living" anywhere; and two, let's see what his opinion is after we go through our first winter. We had a little history lesson on the way today. We stopped for a break at one of the original Pony Express stops and learned about the early Nebraska settlers, Sod Houses and the western movement. The boys really enjoyed it. I think they are adjusting well and Dalton only has momentary spurts of nervousness over starting school on Monday and not knowing anyone. I am sure he will make friends very quickly. He is a complete extrovert. Not much more for tonight. Tomorrow we are crossing Wyoming on our way to Utah and then on Sunday we will finally be in Idaho. I am so excited and anxious. Sounds crazy for this Southern girl, but I think I may like this so far!

Trip to Idaho Part 1

2010-08-19T22:36:00.003-06:00

I promised myself that I would blog about our move to Idaho, but that was when I thought we would be having a fun, family trip through fascinating places. However, circumstances have caused us to have a quicker trip on a more direct route. We spent a night with my family, had a nice dinner and got to tell them goodbye. Then we went to Memphis where we stayed for a week. It was a nice visit, but we were ready to move on after a few days, but knew that no one else would see that as a good idea. On Wednesday morning we left Memphis after a large breakfast with my MIL and FIL and headed to Springfield, MO. We chose Springfield for no other reason than it was the right amount of miles away and located on our trip route. It was a nice enough area and when leaving we were able to drive a little on Route 66. Unfortunately, the boys were more concerned about their video games and not so much about the historical reference. On Thursday we headed to Lincoln, NE. Once again, the stop was chosen for location. On the way to Nebraska, we drove through pretty much the entire state of Missouri. It is a BIG state! We made a stop in Iowa. It was a beautiful area. Reminded me of the Delta farmland, but with mountains in the background. The farms are more manicured and less dirty looking. From there we moved on to Lincoln, which was a little interesting finding our hotel and I am sure that we could have found a more direct route, but the GPS (bitch in the box) lead us through the city and I am sure she was avoiding traffic issues on some roads. Now I sit here in a hotel in Lincoln, NE. The boys are sound asleep and by the sound of his snoring, Chris is sleeping well too. Maggie seems to have adjusted to the travel and now realizes that we aren't leaving her anywhere. I know that I have to rise a little early in the morning, but I can't seem to find that level of exhaustion I require. I think my adrenaline keeps flowing and I have too many things running through my mind. I am just ready to get to Idaho and be settled. Only a couple of more days and we will arrive at our new home. We are heading to Cheyenne, Wyoming in the morning. Wish us luck and I will talk to you later.

A New View of the Parenting World

2010-07-06T19:17:00.005-06:00

Today, Dalton was diagnosed with stress triggered migraines. Unfortunately, the stress trigger seems to be some bullies at day camp. I am at home during the day, so there is no reason other than him having fun for him to continue going. Now that he isn't finding it fun, then he will begin staying home with me. Since this has happened, I have taken a different view to parenting, mainly how others do it. After talking to other childcare providers who have only solidified my thoughts, I thought I would take the time to share them. You may or may not agree, but it is definitely food for thought. Kids will be kids. That is so very true, but there seems to be alot more bullying these days. I believe it has to do with the generation of parents that are coming up behind me. I was an older parent by most standards, especially Mississippi and the military. Dalton was not born until I was the ripe old age of 27. To many of you, that sounds young, but not so much in comparison to the parents I meet daily who have similar age children and were 16-18 at their birth. Now, with me being older, that means that my parents also came from a different generation. I was raised by baby boomers. In my home, the rules were made and you followed them until you left. College was not leaving if you received any kind of financial support. We did what we were told or we suffered the consequences. Those consequences did not include time outs. Time out was the amount of time your parents took to breath and calm down so when they did finally spank you (yes, I was spanked), they didn't kill you. We had chores that we did because we were told to, not because we got paid. We said yes ma'am and yes sir because there was no other way. If someone was older than us, we gave them respect unless otherwise instructed. Other people's parents, neighbors, or some random person in Walmart could correct us. At no time was it ever okay to say "you aren't my mom or dad". Children now are out of control. They are given no real rules or boundaries. Teachers and caretakers have no real authority. Everyone is afraid of what the government will do if they choose to say anything to any child. We once joked about calling social services on our parents and they would encourage us to make the call; they would offer to dial the number. Now, it isn't a joke. Children practically have the number on speed dial in their cell phones. If we don't want this country to continue on this downward spiral that it is on, we have to allow parents to discipline their children. We have to re-train the world in the natural order of things and that is parents have the power over the children and not vice versa. I am not condoning abuse because each family has to use whatever means works for their child. I have actually found with Dalton that his world comes to an end if he loses all the electronics in the house. Peyton, he doesn't like to think that people are angry with him and starts crying as soon as a voice is raised. However, my boys not only respect me, but they correct other children who they perceive disrespecting me. I don't want to shelter my kids from the world, but I want them to understand that some people are not "good". I don't allow them to play with kids who are disrespectful to their parents or who are destructive to their own or other people's property. If kids are mean to them, I teach them not to be friends with them because they aren't their friend. These are simple, basic life lessons that can get them through childhood and even adulthood. I encourage everyone to look around at your friends. If your own friends have parenting styles that differ greatly from your own and you see that in the near future their kids are going to be little terrors, you may want to re-evaluate whether or not their kid needs to be around your kid. I have to look at a bigger picture in the military with families coming from so many different areas and backgrounds. Somethings are just regional differences. I teach my kids to say Ms or Mr. before people's names, but that is a Southern thing. Minor differences are okay, but the bottom line is that your kids are going to learn from them as much as you and you have to decide what is worth the work it is going to take to undo what was done. That is my two cents.

Because it is Mother's Day

2010-05-09T20:46:00.002-06:00

Lately my mothering has fallen under the scrutiny of friends and neighbors, and since today is Mother's Day, I figured I would take this time to reflect on my parenting. I don't apologize for the parent I am because I don't feel I have anything to apologize for. I am far from the poster child for wonderful mothers, but like all the mom's out there, I do the best I can. Maybe I do yell at my kids too much sometimes, but anyone that spends a great deal of time with my very energetic boys usually feels the same way by the end of the day. I have a loud voice and it carries across miles, but I refuse to allow my kids to get away with murder because I fear that the neighbors might judge me. It is not my job to be my boys' friend or playmate. It is my job to raise them to be respectful, hardworking, productive members of society. At least that is the way I was raised. I see the mother's who spend their days entertaining their children. They plan out playdates and activities. I don't really do that. I was always taught to entertain myself and use my imagination as a child and I expect for my children to do the same. Like most kids these days, they have a bedroom full of toys that they rarely play with. I don't want them babysat by game stations and television. I want my kids to play games together, ride bikes, pretend to be cowboys or cops and robbers. I want them to know that not everything they do in life has to be organized or monitored by their mother. I want to be their parent and not their activities director. I watch plenty of families spend money that they don't have, dragging their kids from one festival to the next because it would be a "fun" thing to do. Those same kids are growing up not knowing the joy to be found getting lost in a book on a Sunday afternoon. I want them to get exhausted just running around and playing chase or riding bikes and pretending they are chasing the bad guys. I don't think that it is bad parenting to want your children to be independent, self-sufficient people. It is not bad parenting to teach your children how to do chores so they don't grow up not knowing how to clean up after themselves and how to seperate the whites and darks. It should never be seen as bad parenting to try and teach your kids respect for their elders and basic good manners. If caring more about how my children will turn out as people instead of having an agenda for their day and how to "entertain" them is bad parenting, then I will gladly take the title of bad parent. When your kids are still wanting you to do everything with them because they have no idea how to do things on their own, you are more than welcome to call this bad parent and ask me how to get them to grow up. Of course, I will probably laugh and say...maybe you should have just been the same kind of bad parent I was. My family doesn't have alot to leave in inheritance. We aren't rich people, but there is one picture that hangs on my mother's wall and I hope to inherit it one day. It is the following poem: "The Meanest Mother" I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also. But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two brothers had the same mean mother as I did. My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less--not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actualy hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was. We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends? The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us. She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did. By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year. Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends' report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks. As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out. My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did. She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean. Because, you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world. written by Bobbie Pingaro (1967)

Male Bonding

2010-04-02T17:57:00.003-06:00

Both of my boys miss their dad terribly and the one thing I have realized during this time that Chris has been gone is that little boys need a man in their life. I know there may be many people who argue that, but I am not saying a "father", but someone who can do all those male bonding activities with them. As mothers, we may think that we can do all it takes to meet their needs, but I can tell you from experience that sometimes they just want to learn to be one of the guys. Lucky for me that I have some wonderful friends who have equally wonderful husbands. If it wasn't for these guys, Dalton would probably be even more lost this year than he already is. People looking from the outside probably think that he is pretty well adjusted, and on most accounts he is, but he is 7 years old and he craves that male bonding. Peyton, being only 3, is pretty content to still be a Mama's boy, but Dalton gravitates towards males, uncles, cousins, grandfathers and even neighbors. I want to take this time to publicly (well, almost) thank some outstanding men who have done their all to help me out this year. Bryan B. who plays basketball, rough-houses and just reminds him that there is a constant male authority figure around. Brian K. who allows him to tagalong on trips to boating shops and bike rides with his son. David H. who treats him just like one of his kids and lets him hang out with their family and attempts to teach him to fish even when his interest is short-lived. I appreciate what these men are doing for him and I hope their wives know how lucky they are to have such wonderful fathers in their kids' lives. I am sure that Chris appreciates these friends of his as much as I do for being there when he has no way to be.

Decisions Decisions

2010-03-30T20:48:00.004-06:00

There are no easy decisions in life. No matter what you choose, there is always someone waiting to tell you why your choice was wrong. It gets so much harder when you have children. All of a sudden you have to make choices in their life until they are old enough and also every choice you make all of a sudden affects you and your entire family. Immediately you go from responsible for yourself to so much weight on your shoulders. I don't know if everybody realizes this, but adding the duty of military spouse to my resume' only adds to the weight. Everything I do or say can have an effect on my husband's career without me even knowing it. With him being gone this year, I live constantly under a microscope. People keep up with my comings and goings. They know who visits my house, when they visit and how long they stay. People actually keep up with me via my Facebook account and make their own judgements as to whether I am having too much fun or if I seem to be emotionally unstable. All that said, I am a grown, educated woman. I do, in fact, make all my own decisions and whatever consequences result from those decisions I can gladly accept. I am not a woman who is easily swayed by others' opinions. So, I absolutely despise when people blame uninvolved people for my decisions. Sometimes it takes awhile for me to weigh the pros and cons and analyze the things that don't quite sit right with me, but in the end, if you disagree, I am the only person to blame.

IT IS WHAT IT IS

2010-03-25T19:20:00.003-06:00

It is what it is...I think my mom says that to me almost everyday; it is her new "thing". Sadly, she is right. This hasn't been the greatest of weeks for me, but most of the things I can do little about so why dwell on them. I won't even get into any of it simply because it is not stuff I want to make public right now. Instead of moaning and groaning, I have decided to accept what happens, work through it and stay positive. Hopefully some of that positive energy will yield some positive results. I haven't blogged often as I promised myself I would. Not that anyone probably reads this stuff, but it helps me to vent and I swear it lowers my blood pressure just a little. There is lots I can vent about this week.... For instance, I really do care that unemployment is on the rise; especially when many of those people want to work. So, it really irks me when I go into the Shoppette on base and at this one register which handles regular purchases and tobacco. Unlike the old days, people can't just walk up and get what they want, it is behind the counter. Anyway, there is this old woman who always works that register and she sits on a stool the entire time. No one else gets to do this, but apparently she can't stand. However, she has to get up almost every other customer and get them cigarettes or something. Anytime she is asked to do that, she gets all huffy like it is an imposition. I supposed I could almost understand that if it weren't that after she rings you up, she points to the printer and says "there is your receipt". She is too lazy to reach up there and tear the thing off. Well, today, the man in front of me obviously didn't want his receipt because when my purchase was done and I went to retrieve my receipt, his was attached. I looked down to make sure I kept the right one and she snatched it from me and yelled that "he paid with a credit card and I shouldn't be looking at his receipt", so I snatched my receipt back and said that I am also not supposed to be doing part of her job retrieving my receipt either and I walked out. Did I mention it has been a rough week? It doesn't help that I despise lazy people! Lazy is not reserved for the working class. I am so afraid that we are raising an entire generation of lazy kids who know nothing about doing for themselves and taking care of themselves. I won't mention names because if she reads this she will know who she is anyway, but college students these days piss me off too. Please follow me for my elaboration..... I went to public school my entire life. Our textbooks were old, our lab equipment was from the stone age and I laugh when I think about how excited we were to get computers. My parents believe in public education and I do too, but there was always a twinge of jealousy when I would watch the private school kids have the best of everything; all the amenities that I would have died to have. The only thing that ever helped the jealousy was that in academic competitions, we prevailed; in sports, we prevailed; and when it came to college, when we went, we excelled and completed. I thought that the stereotype of the spoiled kids taking everything for granted would lessen somehow from then. I somehow thought that when the economy started taking a nose-dive and people started having to do what they never anticipated to get by, maybe the parents would start showing those kids about real-life, working for what you have, not taking anything, even education for granted. Well, fat chance on that. I have now seen that first hand. Picture it...not so rich girl wants to go to a "college prep" private school; Daddy can't possibly say no, so she goes; grades are tolerable; she graduates; goes to state college; apparently no scholarship and not sure if that "college fund" was spent to fund "college prep" education; doesn't do so well first semester (guess college prep didn't prep much); more concerned with high school drama and "serious" boyfriend; ends up on academic probation (yes, this means less than a 2.0); now says, college is hard...wow! you want it to be easy and it is preparing you for a career?...is thinking she may not want to stay in college and works longer at devising a plan to do this than the time she spends studying that "hard" stuff....did I mention she has never held a real job for very long, but is contemplating entering the real world.....Six words for ya...WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT? What exactly was the purpose of that expensive, private education? Lazy people not only anger me; they disappoint me too. It infuriates me when people take opportunities they are given for granted. I want to cry when I see some bratty kid driving his brand new F150 and acting like he is king of the world, while a grown man is using a 20 year old truck held together by prayers and duct tape to do landscaping work to feed his family...what's worse is when that kid is laughing and pointing at that truck; insulting this poor man who probably has more character and integrity in one finger than this kid would ever have. Unfortunately, the things that make you a good and honorable person can not be purchased by daddy or your trust fund. I know this was long. Don't shoot me. Imagine how long it would have been if I had included the rest of the stuff that made my week so frustrating and long.

Whiners Beware!

2010-02-06T09:12:00.004-07:00

I HATE whiners! Little kids who whine are bad enough and I know that hate is a very strong word, but there is no word strong enough for the disgust I hold for adults who whine. Facebook is sometimes one big pity party. I admit, sometimes my status updates are not positive, but I am not whining, just letting you know what is going on. However, often times you have those "friends" who have to bitch and moan about everything simply because they feel that they are not at fault and the world is out to get them. Haven't you ever just wanted to slap those people? I want to shake them and say "get over it!" I firmly believe that life is what you make it and you are in control of your future. That is a big statement coming from someone who looks at the cup as half empty all the time. I do that to avoid utter disappointment at those things I can't control like illness, weather and other people's attitudes. However, when it comes to things I can control, I take control. Now, I will say this, if you are complaining to me about something because you genuinely want my help and input, I will listen, but if you don't want to do something about it, then keep it to yourself. Don't complain about your weight and then sit on your butt watching TV and eating junk food...I don't want to hear it! Don't complain about your finances, but refuse to follow a budget and buy stupid things...I don't want to hear it! If you are ill and need some medicine picked up, I am here. If you really need assistance with something and truly want my help, I am here. If life is absolutely crap and you need a shoulder because there is nothing anyone can really do about your situation, I am here to cry with you. But always remember, if all you want is for someone to agree with you that the world is out to get you; if you want someone who will commiserate over your financial problems while watching your big screen TV and eating take-out food for the 5th time in a week or tell you that deadlines that were to be met or due dates should be overlooked just because you are who you are....DON'T LOOK TO ME! I can be the most unsympathetic, often brutally honest person in the world. Chances are if you are reading this and thinking about how you should remove me as your friend or delete me from your life, then I am not your real problem. Obviously the truth hurts and you should really be evaluating how you can take control of your life and all those crappy situations.

In My Opinion

2010-01-10T22:25:00.002-07:00

I promised myself that after the new year, I would be more dedicated to blogging. Honestly, blogging makes me feel better, but here it is almost 11 days into the new year and I am just finding time. I have lots of opinions to voice and soapbox rants to get on, so if you aren't interested in reading them, get off my blog! Personal blogs and facebook pages are just that, my voice of interests and opinions. I don't care if you agree with me. I don't care if you read them. Just don't try to stifle my thoughts because of your own ignorance. Much like my parents raised me, I plan to raise my children to think. I want them to look beyond what the media tells them or what their friends believe and say, "I believe this because....". What if they don't agree with me? Then I foresee some great dinner table debates. I want them to know that their opinion matters as long as they have thought the ideas through and often researched the information and have a little something to back it up. Occasionally it may just be a feeling that they get, something deep in their gut saying something isn't quite right, but they need to believe in that feeling with conviction. Our children are seldom taught to think anymore. Classrooms that used to have teachers who wanted to teach beyond the text are now ridden with teachers prohibited by state and federal mandates, teaching to the test and paperwork on top of paperwork. Students are so consumed by required work that they don't have the time to give to after-hours instruction. This all started when I was in school; however, there were a few of us even then who craved more. I was on the Scholar's Bowl team, 6 members and 2 alternates, 8 students who spent free periods and hours after school and sometimes Saturdays studying current events, history, sports, science, math, pop culture...you named it, we learned it. The only kids wanting to put in that time today are usually involved in sports. I visited my old teacher, Coach Morlino, while I was home for Thanksgiving. He was watching an episode of Cash Cab and said he thought about his scholar's team every time he watched that show and he would think about how much money we could have all made together. He doesn't teach much anymore. Health and bureaucracy got him down, but I will always be glad he was there to encourage all of us to think. I am considering going back to get certified to teach, but I am so uncertain about that because I don't want to just teach the facts in a book, I want to teach kids how to think, not what to think. My husband will say that he is a Republican, but he resides only slightly to the right of the line. I would say that there is just one leg over the fence. I, however, am about the same way to the left. Basically, this is an independent thinking household and I believe that gives my children a slight advantage. By residing in the middle, I find it is easier to see both sides of the argument. Maybe it is by listening to people that I somehow ended up in the middle. I get a little perturbed when people assume that means I am indecisive. Those that know me got a real laugh out of that. In fact, I believe strongly in those things which I believe, but I don't believe things just because a certain party does. I won't get into what those things are, but I will be more than happy to share if asked. It is funny how I grew up in a family where I never knew how my parents voted. We weren't allowed to ask, but I always knew they voted. I don't think they wanted to sway our convictions out of some expected loyalty to them. I will say that on my 18th birthday, I registered to vote. My grandpa didn't give me any real option and I had been waiting for that day like most people waited for their driver's license. When my sister turned 18 I begged her to register and she said it didn't matter to her and none of it pertained to her. Needless to say, she is registered now. She has a good job, no kids, no major deductions and now she knows that it matters to her. Yet, I married into a family who freely voice their opinions about world events and matters. There is no doubt in your mind for who they cast their votes. At the same time, I never feel that it is a place for a free-flowing exchange of ideas, but rather a lecture as to why you should think the same way they think. Right or wrong. Agree or disagree. They do pay attention. I think with all that is going on now in our government, there is no better time for all Americans to start thinking. Critical thinking. Don't listen to one news report or read just one newspaper and decide that your mind is made up about anything. Remember that most mainstream journalism is a little slanted. Often you have to pay attention to what they are telling you while picking up on what they aren't. It is your job to know more about the issue than what Bobby Jo down at the barber shop told you. We are at a very critical time for our nation and if I had a crystal ball, I would say that this all doesn't bode well for our future. It is time to think for yourself and stop being so apathetic about politics and government.

Secrets Matter (a follow-up to the Seven Year Itch)

2009-10-06T23:59:00.002-06:00

There is an understood rule among most couples, if you tell me something and tell me not to tell anyone, you must make it clear that it also includes my husband or I will most definitely tell him. When it comes to secrets, couples are considered one person. However, if keeping your secret will somehow lessen the trust that my husband has in me, then I can't do it. Before we were married, Chris and I were required to attend the Catholic Church's marriage encounter weekend. During that 48 hours, we discussed everything....budgets, kids, family, jobs, sex, you name it, it was discussed. However, at no time were we asked to talk about the past. Whether you realize it or not, the past matters. When you try to keep things about your past hidden, it can often eat away at you like a parasite inside your body. You constantly wonder if someone will find out and what they will think of you. Sometimes the secret involves someone else and then you feel like telling that secret will somehow cause turmoil between them and their significant other. A word to the wise....all secrets matter when it comes to a marriage. Things that happened a decade ago can turn your marriage upside down. Often times you have to deal with the reprecussions all alone and that is not what a marriage is about. Marriage means that another person has chosen to spend their life with you, good and bad, and that they are willing to share in both your happiness and pain. I had dealt with a secret on my own for over 12 years. I thought I was doing a wonderful job of internalizing everything. However, it finally boar a hole right into our relationship. Chris knew something was there, but he couldn't figure out what. It hurt him to think I didn't trust him and it hurt me to keep the secret. Luckily for us, everything was discussed and settled prior to him leaving the country this year. If not, the time we are spending apart could have been much different. Remember that no matter what has happened in your life, your partner is the person who should love you no matter what has happened. They should be the one you turn to when you need a shoulder. If they can't listen to you tell them about the one thing that you are either too embarrassed or too afraid to tell anyone and still put their arms around you and kiss away your tears, then as I said before, it isn't real love, so move along.

The Seven Year Itch

2009-10-06T19:49:00.002-06:00

About 2 years ago, I was attending my 10 year college reunion (I know, I can't be that old, right?), some friends and I were trying to comfort another classmate who was deathly afraid that her marriage was in trouble. As I listened to her talk about what was wrong, I knew that all she needed to know is that it was normal. In case there are any of you out there reading this who have not been married for 7 years or more, you need to know too. The 7 year itch is real. Actually, throughout the table of married ladies, some with kids, some not; the concensus was that the years from about 7 to 9 are the roughest, almost painful years of your marriage. You fight constantly over the smallest things. Sometimes you think that there is no way you can wake up next to this person for the next 50. Most of the time you stop communicating unless it is about work or the kids. Usually at this point in your marriage you have at least one, but often more, kids. Trust me, do not have a child to save your marriage because all children do is complicate things more. You are so exhausted by the time they go to bed that you nearly pass out. If not, you are washing the pile of clothes that never goes away and wondering how little bodies can possibly increase your wash loads so much. When they are very little, they are constantly climbing on you, wanting to be held, sitting in your lap, etc and your body is often so sore that if another person, including your husband, so much as brushes up next to you, you want to break his arm. Sounds bad, right? Truth is, marriage is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. It is work; real work and if you aren't working at it, then it won't last. You can't expect for everything to work out like a fairytale. There is a reason the first year is called the honeymoon period. Everything is wonderful. Each person makes special effort to do everything they can to look perfect in front of the other. Pretending to be perfect is hard too and eventually, you just can't do it anymore, so the mask comes off. I remember my mother telling me that she used to set an alarm to wake up early and get dressed so my dad never saw her without makeup and hair done. She would make breakfast, keep the house spotless, make him lunch which she often delivered to him at work hot and then go home to make sure dinner was on the table. He never washed clothes, or anything around the house. It was 1973 and she was the perfect housewife. Thirty-six years and two kids later, she leaves him to-do lists on his day off, which often includes at least one load of clothes. He makes her breakfast on Sunday mornings and it is a good day for him if dinner is on the table when he gets home and lunch consists of a sandwich, which he fixes himself. They don't pretend to be anything they aren't. Yes, they annoy the hell out of each other, but they still work to make it last. Their advice to me has been that once the lust of newlywed bliss is over, you better like that person laying next to you. When the kids are gone, along with the lust, you have to be able to simply live. They live and love one another everyday. Sometimes it is the little things like a cup of coffee left on the bedside stand for my mom or when she makes his favorite dessert for dinner. I know they had a hard time once too. I said all this to say, if you are approaching that time in your marriage or if you are dead in the middle of it, don't give up. Anything worth saving is worth working for and if it isn't worth the work, maybe it wasn't real love.

How Old Do I Have To Be?

2009-09-22T20:39:00.002-06:00

How old do I have to be seems to be a consistent question in my household. Dalton has always asked how old he had to be to do various things. When he was 2 years old he wanted to climb a tree and Chris told him that he had to be five years old to climb a tree. He accepted that answer and the day he turned five, although we had not thought another thing of it, he asked to climb a tree. We live in a new housing development and all the trees are very small; but when he went to Knoxville for his first UT game last year, he climbed a tree. Most recently he wants to know when he can get his own dog, a fun dog. Apparently Maggie, who just turned 9, is a little too calm and old for him. To avoid making the same mistake of a deadline, we now tell him he can have a dog when he is old enough to take care of it. I remember anxiously awaiting each birthday marker for something special. Fifteen was when my parents said I could date; I think I had more people asking before I was able to than after. At sixteen we were allowed to get our driver's license; then again driving seemed much cooler before I became a mom and thus the taxi service. At eighteen I registered to vote; unfortunately, there had been a presidential election the year prior, so it wasn't nearly as exciting that first year. At 21 I was old enough to drink legally. I turned 21 on a Thursday night in college. My friends and I celebrated at Main Street Bar and Grill and it was Ladies Night with $1 drinks (there are many of you that remember that). We thought we were on top of the world then and we probably were. By 25 all we had to look forward to was a decrease in our insurance because somebody in the insurance world thought that by 25 we should be more responsible. Then there was 3o. I was really excited about turning 30. In the world of military wives, it meant I would no longer be seen as one of those "young and dumb wives". Finally I should be seen as an adult and not someone just playing house. I really wanted to celebrate, but that was the year Katrina hit and I found myself still living in my parents house, but this time with a 2 year old sharing my room. Not exactly the celebration I had anticipated. This weekend I turned 34. I am not depressed about the age. My mother trained us well...like wine and cheese, we get better with age. I truly believe that. The only thing that I miss from my youth is my body (which then I thought of as fat) and that conquering the world attitude that I still try to hang on to with all that I am. My birthday came and went. There is nothing monumental about being 34. No major event in my life is based on that age. The idea of a good time and celebration has been slightly altered by this point (although I was the oldest in attendance). My friends are early birds who want to have dinner and be in bed by the 10 o'clock news. I guess I would normally fall into this too, but not on my birthday. The one day in the entire year that I don't have to share with anyone. Growing up, my parents treated our birthdays like our own special holiday. I guess I got a little spoiled to the idea that anything else in the world could possibly happen on that day. Now, what milestones do I have left to look forward to? I know 40 is supposed to be big; however, that was always meant as a sexual peak for women usually based on the theory that menopause started at 50, so if I am presently going through early menopause, does that mean I missed out on my peak in my early 20s? Sixty-two...used to be the magic age of retirement, but in a world of economic downfall and a social security system that will surely go broke before I am ever close to retirement, how special can that be? The only thing I can really hope for is that I live to be 100 and then I will have plenty to celebrate. No woman in my family has lived that long, but I am sure my mother is determined to beat that record if only to torment me for another 46 years. I will be able to celebrate my 75th wedding anniversary; that is, if he lives long enough to be considered married at that time. Hopefully there will actually be people still alive who would even remember the younger me. Maybe I will still have that little spark in my eye at 100 that I did at 21. It wouldn't surprise me if Shannon was still having to make sure I "wore something with a crotch" (her words exactly) in case I did that extra shot of tequila and took to table dancing again. I guess only time will tell. Until then, I suppose I will have to just enjoy each year and what it has to offer, knowing that I am that much closer to being 100 and celebrating that I outlived all those who never liked me anyway. Mark your calendars...September 19, 2075...Sunshine's Centennial Bash

Observations of a Lonely Woman

2009-09-13T22:40:00.004-06:00

I have not had much time to post lately, so I thought I would take a little time before the desire for sleep sets in too strongly. It is not that I have not had plenty to say, but my life has been so hectic that blogging was not a top priority. When you spend most of your time alone, it gives you plenty of time to think. Most of my interaction is with small children, so their ability to discuss things is limited. I make daily observations about my life and the lives of those around me. Although my mother may doubt this fact, I was born with keen observation skills. I often see what others do not, a fact which greatly annoys my husband. I wouldn't say that I am judgemental, but more so that I force to the surface that which people would rather stay buried. It is an ability that I have perfected over the years. Now, as for the lives of those around me, I have quite a few opinions. There is so much I have observed in the last month or so. First of all, daily I pass this horrible little trailer park that is on my way to every place I usually go. Their doors are always wide open and these innocent little babies, still wearing cheap, ill-fitting diapers, with their dirty faces and rarely clothed are sitting on the steps. Not much difference in them and those impoverished faces you see on TV from 3rd world countries. My heart goes out to those children because they didn't ask for that life. While I see these kids, I also see the same people sitting out front under a shade tree, the trailers obviously having no air conditioning, and I wonder why it is that their priorities are so wrong. They sit under those trees smoking their cigarettes and drinking their beer, usually there is at least one dog, if not more, wandering about them. Who in their right mind finds that their habits take precedent over those needs of their children for food and clothing? Who thinks that if they can't afford to live and take care of their family that it is alright to then take in and feed a pet? I am sure these are welfare and food stamp recipients, but should they be? Are these not the people that should be working and that we need to stop supporting? Where is child services? Is this sort of neglect and home life really all that different from physical abuse? It tears at my heart and makes my blood boil all at the same time. Now, speaking of those who are on public assistance...if jobs are so hard to obtain and money is so difficult to come by, shouldn't those with jobs be happy to just be employed? Why is it then that whenever you are shopping anywhere, the employees make you feel like you asking a question has just inconvenienced their life immensely? Sorry to bother you, but the last time I checked, this was your job. If the sign in the dressing room says ask your associate for a different size, then please don't be pissed when I do. If the sign on the register says you get free food if you don't receive a receipt and a proper "thank you", then I am going to get my free food. You seem to forget that money is scarce for everyone. If it comes out of your check, I bet you won't forget it again. Now, I am not always a difficult person, but lately me stress has been running a little higher than normal. However, I am well on my way to being Superwoman if I can just get through this year. I have found that I can cook, clean, help with homework, do laundry, mow the lawn and shop for all the groceries and household supplies.....ALONE. However, this is not to say that I would not do a dance of sheer happiness if I found my husband would be coming home tomorrow. It is nice to know I can do it, but I have no interest in getting rid of a good man just because I don't "need" him. I have always said that you don't want to be the person I need in my life because I can learn to do whatever I need you for or you can be replaced by someone better. In my life, you need to be who I "want" in my life. Although the need for you may fad, the simple desire to have you there is longer lasting. Other interesting things that have happened: I discovered that even when the sleep timer is set on my children's TV at night. They have figured out that if they get up and turn the volume down, they can watch Family Guy, not suggested viewing for small children, and I would never be the wiser. Not so true and could be just one of the many reasons they no longer have a TV in their bedroom. Dalton announced to me in his booming voice in BooksaMillion that a book was about SEX. I will say that the picture on the front was definitely suggestive, but the book was about the Dixie Mafia. For the record, I was not on the self-help aisle, but instead where the new releases and best sellers are. Needless to say, we had a long chat on the way home and apparently, he learned a little too much on his late night Family Guy. Both of my children seperately can be almost a pleasure to be around. Each has a unique personality and can be very funny. However, the two of them together are like monsters. Unlike you "working" folks, I dread 5pm and the weekends. I know that with either of those times, it means that both of my children will be home together. They fight, hit, yell and scream...I know it is typical of boys, but I don't have the patience to wait and see who kills who. If brothers are supposed to act like this I may be raising two of the closest brothers I have ever known. Well that is all the observations and complaints for today. My coach is turning into a pumpkin, so I must say goodbye and head to dreamzone

Since I Have Been Home

2009-07-26T23:36:00.005-06:00

For those of you who brave my blog now and again, I want to warn you that this one may get a little long winded. So grab something to drink, I prefer wine, and get comfortable. When last I wrote, I was ending such a wonderful vacation with my sister. Life was good and I was riding on a cloud. I should have known that my euphoric state would not last forever. First thing on Monday I returned to my normal week. The laundry had piled up and I was going about my daily chores. By the end of the day (for those on facebook you probably know this), I ended up in the emergency room with my six year old, who had decided to stick a broken Mardi Gras bead into his ear canal, for what reason, we still aren't sure. The ER did nothing but make the situation worse and give us a referral to the ENT. During this fiasco, he lied about his brother being the one to do it, so I proceeded to punish a very clueless almost 3 year old who pleaded his innocence until the very end. Come to find out he was right, but apparently not soon enough for him to seek revenge on me by taking a poo in his pants and proceeding to rub it all over his body and the wall. I bathed him while Dalton lay on my bed crying and swearing to never do anything like that again. Well, even the next day while we waited on his appointment with the ENT, he proceeded to assure me that he would never do that again. Now the tiny gold bead is in a specimen cup and sitting on my bar for all to see. To follow that up, I received the link to a YouTube video titled, Leland Alderman Acts A Fool. Unfortunately, it was in fact Leland, MS, and yes, she did act pretty foolish. Most of all I was embarrassed to think of the number of people who now had access to and would watch this dramatic display. Notice I said dramatic and not tramatic. What I saw was a bunch of ill-bred crooks trying to throw the attention away from them and the possible embezzlement of funds. What I saw was them using a public forum to further embarrass me about the city I used to love. I would love to know at what point I became so disgruntled with my little town. Can the town be fixed? Yes, I think it can. However, all the persons living in the past, have to open their eyes and see that things weren't good before and I don't think the new mayor could do any worse than his predecessors. Now the time is getting closer for Chris to leave on his remote. Less than two weeks to go and we have a daily checklist of things to do either as part of his outprocessing or of things I need him to do around the house before he leaves. Peyton's potty-training has taken two steps back and now I have had to remove him from the enrollment at Our Lady of Fatima for the fall. Luckily I have found another place that is willing to take what they call a "young three", which is nice terms for a kid who is just turning three and hasn't gotten with the program on potty-training. I worry that he may be rebelling in his own way about the upcoming departure of his dad and that this could be just the beginning. Last but not least, I found out that someone who has done a good job of pretending to be my friend is nothing but a phony. I am way too old to waste my time on shallow, insecure people. I don't need friends so bad that I have to keep around the ones who aren't worth my time. There were assumptions and statements made about me that I found so laughable that I wouldn't waste my time repeating them. If they were truly my friend, the one thing that they would know, and all my real girlfriends know this, as do many who are simply acquaintances; I am a loyal friend. I will help you through anything you need. I will gladly stand up with you and fight for something I believe in. I will wake up in the middle of the night and listen if you need to talk. I will take your problems on myself to work out a solution. However, the worst possible thing would be to cross me and end up on my bad side and in the path of my fire. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

A Day in Hollywood

2009-07-18T14:37:00.002-06:00

I have spent the greatest part of the day exploring Hollywood....Hollywood, FL, that is. Luckily for me, my sister lives just a short walk from downtown. I have been walking in the morning, but not really strolling and exploring all that the downtown has to offer. Since it is Saturday, I decided to check out in daylight what I had only seen through beer goggles during the evenings. It is a cute old town with a main street justly named Hollywood Boulevard. It is lined with trees in the median, mostly palm, and there are benches to rest everywhere. There is a small park/playground that today was over-run with small children, just making me miss my own that much more. The people are all very friendly. I had coffee and fresh bread this morning, then did a little perusing through the shops. I had a psychic reading which was pretty spot on and gave me a sense of peace about the upcoming year that I have not had recently. Since the heat index is well into the 100s of degrees, I stopped for a gelato at a cafe and it was as good as what I found while in Italy. There were families out with their children, little old people holding hands, plenty of people not speaking English (once again reminding me of Europe) and a fair share of those with tattoos nearly from head to toe. It was really refreshing to see all these people living together, interacting without judging looks or snide comments. The one thing I can say about this little city that my sister has found for herself, everyone is welcome and there is little pretension. I think she may be very happy here and live out her dreams. After all, everyone who comes to Hollywood has a dream.

Lessons from Friends

2009-07-16T22:54:00.004-06:00

Vacations are meant to be a time of relaxation and often times, a time to find out a little something more about yourself. Mine has been alot of both. I have loved the sightseeing and beach time here in Miami, but I have loved the down time reading a book or having a drink with friends, just as much, if not more. I have had plenty of time to concentrate on myself and what I want or need out of life. First and foremost, I have learned that although I have grown and become a mother and wife, that basically I have not changed in over 12 years. Apparently my basic charm and wit have not left me, although at least 50lbs have probably been added to the body I once had. At least now I know that the circumstances of life and the harshness of the world have yet to have me become a small shell of my former self. Seeing old friends can be both good and bad occurances. Basic old friends can be so refreshing to catch up with. Often times they have changed and sometimes you don't click, but seeing them is great all the same. Now, what happens if you meet up with on old friend who you were intimate with a long time ago. I can tell you. You get over the awkwardness and suddenly discover the fabulous connection you had as friends first and foremost. Then you enjoy hanging out with someone who knew you long before you were a wife and mother. You can relax and be yourself because this person knows your flaws and chooses to be your friend in spite of them. You can even take away the knowledge that maybe you didn't screw up every relationship from your past and sometimes things are just so much better as friends. You can gain so much clarity when you take a trip down memory lane and can now laugh at your youth. All of a sudden, the person you have become doesn't seem nearly as bad as the person you once were. I value every relationship that I have endured in my life, both good and bad. I have learned so much from each encounter. I have no regrets. Everything happened for a reason and it often takes growing old and growing up to truly see those reasons. Oh, the benefits of hindsight.

The Kids in America

2009-07-05T23:11:00.002-06:00

A few nights ago I started a much different blog, but I didn't get to finish it and tonight as I sit here, I am not interested in finishing my previous rant. After a full month of summer break from school and now, a summer holiday weekend is just finishing up, I figured that I have seen a vast span of people come through the Biloxi area. I have given more than my share of directions to restaurants, casinos and Wal-Mart. I have met and observed people from all over the country, both young and old, and it saddens me to think of what the future holds for society in general. When I was growing up, we would never dream of talking back or worse, cursing any person that we felt was even the slightest bit our elder. We were talk to respect all people and, even when disagreeing, to be mindful of what you said and how you said it. Lately all I have seen are people spouting obscenities to any and everyone. Case in point, I was sitting outside our neighborhood Starbucks enjoying some coffee and the cooler weather that moved through. Our Starbucks closes its cafe at 8:30pm and the drive through remains open until 9pm. This doesn't make most people want to jump for joy, but life goes on. A truck, 2009 Toyota Tundra Super Crew, pulled up and about five teenagers jump out. I am not talking about college students who could be in their 20s, I mean "I just got my driver's license" teenagers. One of the ladies on the patio told them what she had told everyone about the hours. They then proceeded to beat on the door and curse at the woman closing up inside. One of the statements was B^@!ch you need to open up this door and serve me some coffee. I didn't want coffee an hour ago! Now, not only were they foul and disrespectful, where does this new generation get off thinking that they have a right to have anything they want anytime they want it? It made me really think about what mistakes we are making while raising our kids. Our parents never did things by the book, but when we got older and we got educated, we found that it was time to tell them all the things they had done wrong and exactly how our generation, mostly without kids at the time, would do things. This may be one case to prove Mommy and Daddy know best. How is it that our generation has more successful people who are well-educated, take care of ourselves and up until this new economic downturn have been doing okay, but the people who punished us and taught us values didn't know anything. I look back on psychology class from college. I still remember my astonishment when the professor announced that parenting by fear would result in failure. I can honestly say that my parents probably used every technique that you weren't supposed to use and, yes, I did fear them for most of my life. I feared them enough to make good grades and do all that I was told to do in school. I feared them enough to not dare get arrested because then I would have to call them. I feared them enough to not dare speak to adults the way kids do today for fear that I would suddenly feel them pop me in the mouth. I feared them enough to not have sex early or with random people because you never wanted to have the "I'm pregnant" conversation as an unwed teen. No, the rules in our house were not up for negotiation. You did what you were told when you were told or suffer the consequences. I was locked out with my belonging sitting outside on at least two occasions and I was 21 then, but I didn't break curfew again. We learned how to cook and clean; Mom joked that she had kids for free housekeeping. However, now that I have my own house and family and I have been inside other's homes that did not have my training, I thank the Lord that she taught me well. We had to work, not during the school year, but every summer. We got no more than a day or two off between school and work and usually worked until the Friday before school started back. She used to take my check and give me an allowance out of it, but the day she gave me the money she had saved for me to start a checking account, I was thankful that she forced me to be thrifty. We learned the value of a dollar and how to budget our funds. Our college allowance was given on the first of every month and we got no more until the next month. She made us responsible for purchasing all toiletries and other needs for school. It worked. To this day, I have never had to pay a late payment on a bill or bounce a check. We had to earn a car. Earning was not monetary because even if we had the money, we would not have been allowed to purchase it. I received my first car in April of my Freshman year in college. I had proven via my grades and reports that I could be as responsible in college as they expected, so I was rewarded with a 1987 Honda Civic. This was 1995 and I didn't buy another until it was falling apart. I thank God everyday that my parents were strict. I look at those kids I grew up with that had everything and their parents were so "cool". Those kids took very different paths from me and I can say that although people measure success in different ways, I don't see many of those people measuring up to my concept of success. Isn't everyone's goal to raise their children to be productive human beings? If not, it should be. My sister and I have not been dependents of our parents for 10 years. We don't ask for loans or call complaining about not being able to pay our bills. We weren't boomerangs which all parents fear. Okay, I guess I was for a couple of months, but Hurricane Katrina was an extenuating circumstance. Like my mama always says "the only measure of success for parenting is your children" and from the looks of her two girls she thinks she did okay. No drug or alcohol problems; no unplanned pregnancies; jobs; families; independence; and most importantly, a strong sense of ourselves and our beliefs. I want everyone to sit back and look around at the younger generations around us. They have a definite sense of entitlement. They want everything handed to them on a silver platter. Instead of standing up for their beliefs, they take a stance over whatever the newest trend going is. Many that are graduating from college are unemployed; not because the jobs aren't there, but because they feel they are worth so much more than is being offered. Maybe it was because my parents are baby boomers, born to parents who survived the Great Depression, but my parents would tell me to suck it up and draw a check of some sort. I am not sure where this country is headed, but God help us all if things don't get better before this new generation is old enough to actually be in charge of something. I got a little long winded, so in the words of Forrest Gump...."that's all I have to say about that!"

Why Women Are Important to MUW

2009-06-28T22:56:00.002-06:00

Regardless of what happens with the renaming of my alma mater, Mississippi University for WOMEN, one thing won't change and that is how important the women who have attended the school and those who are currently attending are to the history of the school. They can take the word out of the name, even change the mission if that is their goal, but it will never change the fact that it was the women I encountered during my time there that made it so special. I was always so much more comfortable with the guys. My best friend was a guy. I was a fan of football and baseball. Although I wore makeup and carried a purse, it was more a part of my southern upbringing than being a girly girl. Nine times out of ten, you would find me in jeans and t-shirts. Just making the choice to attend a school where the women outnumbered the men, scared the hell out of me. I wondered how I would ever make even one friend, much less the amount that I have taken with me throughout life. When I look back at college, there are memories that stick out and still make me smile. I can't tell you what I learned about life and myself while sitting with friends on the balcony of 5th floor Jones Hall. Sometimes I think I learned more about human behavior than I ever did in psychology. The women that were willing to help you plan the hypothetical murder of a guy that wronged you. The nights spent talking about random things, often including a debate, but always ending with someone learning something new. It was these times that are really set in my memories of college. I had wonderful professors, both male and female, but what I learned in my women's focus classes was so much more. For the first time in all my years of school, the role of women in history, art, literature, was not just a paragraph amongst all the other information. I had always been proud to be a woman, but for once, I think I was finally being given the information to make me understand what I should be proud of. Don't all little girls need a place that can make them feel like that? Yes, there may be options out there, but most of those are way above the price range many can afford. I suppose the message there is only those with the funds should be allowed to embrace their "Herstory". Of course, I don't agree. I feel so fortunate that the W and its women were there for me and with any luck, she will still stand strong.

TV and Bon-Bons

2009-06-17T23:37:00.003-06:00

Daytime TV is created to entertain women and small children. Let's face it. If you are home during the day and you don't like soap operas, talk shows, decorating shows or cartoons, there isn't much to watch on regular cable. I will admit; I do watch a soap opera. I did not start this practice the day I became a stay at home mom, but it is more convenient now. I have been watching Days of our Lives since I was in the womb. I took a short break while we were stationed in Germany and I kept up with it via online updates. No, the storylines aren't spectacular and they are often times outlandish, but that is what I look for in mindless television. Talk shows are not as addictive. If I am home I watch, but my Tivo doesn't have a season pass to them. The View can be good and bad. Some days the commentary is pretty good, but I feel Barbara Walters makes them too self-conscious and Joy Behar usually says something that makes me want to strangle her at least once an episode. I used to watch Oprah, but I kind of gave up on that. One, I have no desire to watch her weight fluctuate like it does. She needs to stop the fad dieting that most of America does and just eat smart and exercise. I don't think her research team does a good job and in the end, she is the one who comes out looking foolish. First there was the guy who wrote the book supposedly about his life experience and come to find out it was all made up. Now there is the notice that following Dr. Oz's advice could actually kill you. Sometimes, because it comes on after Days, I have caught a few episodes of The Doctors. It seems pretty balanced and they aren't afraid to disagree. Yesterday I Tivo'd it when they said they were talking about Peri-Menopause. Apparently, per the OB/GYN, you can't be diagnosed until after age 40 and to that I laugh, which the Endocrinologist almost did, because I was diagnosed a few months ago. Once upon a time, I would have thought I would have begun having children at this age and now it doesn't seem like I really have any child bearing left in me. Some Drs say there is nothing to do. Some say hormones, but often birth control (doesn't work BTW) can help with some of the effects; now this endocrinologist was talking about a progesterone cream. Apparently you don't need the same amount at every part of the month. I just want to say that I have every symptom the woman on TV had and my doctor said he had little doubt that I was indeed peri-menopausal. I didn't know until I watched the show that my recent insomnia is another symptom. So, if any of you are having night sweats, hot flashes, unexplained irritability, extreme anxiety, insomnia, weight gain around mid-section and too many other symptoms to list, you may be peri-menopausal. Yes, it can happen before 40. By 40, I could been pretty much done when others are just starting. Don't let anyone tell you that you are crazy. Don't feel like you can't talk to someone about it. Somebody out there will believe you and sometimes just being believed makes it all seem better, even as you are wiping the sweat from your brow.

Wayward American Values

2009-06-15T23:29:00.003-06:00

In a time of excess, I give thanks for all that I don't have. I don't have a house that I owe more on than it's value. I don't drive fancy cars with $600 car payments. My children are not spoiled by expensive clothes or toys. I know that I am not in over my head with life in general and damn, it feels good. I overheard a young man at Starbucks the other night talking to some gentlemen about being $75,000 in debt. How is he ever to get ahead when he works at Starbucks and is only 25. What happens when he has a wife and kids to support? What happens when the economy gets so bad that he loses that part-time coffee job and can't find even the smallest of employment? I hope that no one expects me to pay for his mistake. They talk about increasing the interest you pay on credit cards to begin the day you charge with no grace period, in order to penalize the small group of us who actually pay our bills. Is that fair? Just because you aren't making alot of money off of us and the ones you can make money off of are not paying their bills, we are punished for being responsible. Well, I call bullshit on this! I am all for helping out the truly needy. The working poor who need to feed their kids. Not the poor who avoid work and have a big, flatscreen TV, but no food to eat. I am so fed up with trying to be the responsible person that my parents raised me to be and each day hear about some program designed to help people who got in that mess by living too large. If I thought someone was going to bail me out, sure, I would go out and charge up a storm; buy a million-dollar home; drive that luxury car. However, I was brought up by people who came from a generation where nothing was given to you. You worked for every dime you made. They didn't believe in credit and didn't buy anything they couldn't pay cash for. Buying on time was a hard concept to get. We were raised to have pride in being able to take care of yourself. I have asked my parents for money so few times, all were during high school and college, that if I called and asked right now, my father would probably sell a kidney to get me the money. That is how much trouble I would have to be in to ask for a handout. If everyone gets a free pass right now, what does that say to the kids we are raising? I don't want my boys to think that they are worth a certain amount just for existing. They have to prove their worth like every person before them. They have to understand that even when you don't have the money for all the things you want, as long as your needs are covered you are in a good place. Nice cars, fancy homes, designer clothes, fancy restaurants, computers, cell phones, satellite, electronics, toys, vacations....these are all luxuries. You are not entitled to these things simply for living in America, but we definitely allow you the opportunity to earn them and don't screw that up.

Being Responsible

2009-06-12T00:46:00.002-06:00

There is a quote by an unknown author that describes the way I feel about life. It says "If you follow the plan you made for yourself when you were twenty, then you'd become the image of success that someone much younger, less experienced and more naive would settle for." I believe this wholeheartedly. The person I wanted to become, what I wanted to do with my life is so different now than it was then. I have grown so much. I now have a much different picture of what success is and it has little to do with the mighty dollar. I know that what I am good at and what I enjoy doing is so far from what pleased me as a young girl and how unhappy I would have been if I had followed my original plan. If all that has changed, then why is it not possible that my entire being has changed? Why should I be held responsible for something I said or did to hurt or offend you when I was younger? I will completely take responsibility for all my poor actions and decisions, but I refuse to be persecuted any longer for the mishaps of my youth. If I have grown as a person, shouldn't other people have grown too? Holding grudges and bitterness in your heart does nothing more than make you miserable and age you more quickly. I find it hard to stomach that there are still those out there that would not speak to me simply because I did not play with them as a child. Isn't that insane? Or the old boyfriend who has obviously moved on with his life, maybe has a wife, possibly a couple of kids and you are still so angry because I broke up with him over 10 years ago. I admit I didn't do it gently, but doesn't it appear that he would have moved on? As I am moving further into my 30s, I realize I am just too old to hold a grudge. If I was bitchy to you or broke your heart or whatever your beef may be, if it still bothers you and you think about it more often than you should, please feel free to talk to me about. Chances are I may apologize. I am really not a bad person. Please take the time to open your heart and your mind to forgiveness as well.

Talk to me, please!

2009-06-10T00:15:00.002-06:00

So, as many people know, I like to escape to our neighborhood Starbucks sometimes at night. I like the peacefulness; time to gather my thoughts; sometimes write or read. Usually someone chats with you for a second and moves on. Tonight was not one of those nights. There is a really sweet, way to happy, hyped up on coffee boy that works in there. He loves to talk and tonight he apparently loved talking to me. I kept waiting for my husband to call or text me; not even my neighbor sent one text that could have saved me. I had no way out of listening to him ramble on. At first I thought he may be trying to pick me up. He asked if I was married and if I had kids. I answered yes to both, so he asked if he could ask my opinion on something. The more I listened to his story, the more my heart went out to this young man. A condensed version of his story is that almost two years ago, his girlfriend got pregnant. They didn't get married, but had been living together. He was there for the birth of his son and did everything, including working two jobs to take care of her and the baby. About 7 months ago, while he was at work, she ran off with his child. He soon found out it was to meet someone she had started a relationship with online. He thinks she is in Slidell, LA, but he doesn't know for sure. In the 7 months, she has accepted only one phone call from him during which he offered to send her money for child support, but she would not give him the address where she is staying. He offered to Western Union it, but she said no to that. Her friends say that she is going to have him charged a deadbeat dad, but that does not appear to be the case. He just wanted to know if he had any rights. We talked for awhile. Although I am not an attorney, I made some suggestions of places he could turn for help. I assured him that he did certainly have parental rights and if she filed for back child support, she would surely have to grant those and she probably did not want to. The entire situation was so sad. There are so many women out there raising children on their own because the father's don't want to take responsibility and here sat a young man who was ready and he was being denied. He seemed at wits end and was at the point of tears. I guess he just needed someone to listen to him and therapy would be out of his price range. Usually I would have been quick to pick up my things and make a swift exit using some excuse or another, but tonight I felt like I needed to stay. What if talking things out with me, a perfect stranger, kept this kid from making a drastic mistake? I think we are all like him sometimes. We just need someone listen to us without passing judgement. We need someone who has no personal ties to a situation to look at it from the outside and help us make sense of a gigantic mess. Only in the South could you find that random stranger willing to listen to your problems having a coffee at your neighborhood Starbucks. This is in no way an invitation for you to come pour your heart out to me when all I really want is to drink my coffee and enjoy the silence that is not my house.

Insomnia

2009-06-08T00:29:00.002-06:00

So, this is the third night in a row that I have been up passed midnight. Not sure why this is happening because I haven't been napping. In fact, I have been incredibly busy during the days. Friday we had a full day in Destin. We went to the beach and the pool, went out to dinner and took the boys minature golfing. Golf was interesting with a two year old. Apparently he has aspirations of being the John McEnroe of golf. He got very angry when missing shots and liked to scream and either slam his club into the ground or throw it into the bushes. Let's say that keeping up with him on the course alone made for a long night. When we returned to the condo, we decided to change the boys into PJs and pack up to head back. We left in the middle of the night, the kids were asleep before we hit I-10 and we got home around 2am. Saturday was filled with loads and loads of laundry, cleaning my empty refrigerator and then heading to the grocery store to refill it. After two hours at the commissary, at least an hour at Wal-Mart and then another stop at Winn Dixie to pick up the things the commissary didn't have. I had plans to relax today, but instead I balanced my checkbook and recorded our Destin expenses, then I sorted my coupons. The highlight of my day was putting away clothes and cleaning out all the old ones from my closet. I know, not exactly something to jump up and down about. I did get to spend the night catching up on some Tivo, but that addiction is fodder for another day.

Just Another Day in Paradise

2009-06-05T15:32:00.003-06:00

Surprisingly, the boys slept in this morning which is my idea of a good vacation. It was much appreciated since last night Chris and I had a date night. We had a wonderful dinner at Louisianna Lagniappe with Michelle, Adam, Michael and Ashley. The food was beyond fabulous and if you are ever in Destin, I strongly encourage you to have a meal there. I had stuffed shrimp that were huge and for dessert, banana foster ice cream cake (sinful and I wish I had a few more pieces today). We stopped for a few drinks at the Hog's Breath Saloon which had cold beer and a horrible band. Then we all went our separate ways to spend quality time with our significant others. The morning was quite overcast and when the sun went behind the clouds, it was actually a little chilly. We stayed at the beach or pool all morning and finally convinced the boys to come up for lunch at 2 o'clock. Peyton crashed after eating. Unbeknown to Peyton, Chris took Dalton to drive the race cars at the Big Kahuna tracks. It was AWESOME according to Dalton. Now we are anticipating what we will have for dinner and taking the boys for some miniature golf tonight. After which we are leaning toward packing up and heading home tonight. We only have a 3 hour drive and it would be nice to have a couple of days at home before Chris returns to work. I doubt I will be writing anything again from Destin. The trip has been beautiful. Lots of time at the beach, pool, dinners out, and shopping. But honestly, there is no place like home.

One Hell of a Long Day

2009-06-03T22:16:00.003-06:00

Today is our fifth day in Destin and it rained most of the day. I took the kids to the beach this morning for maybe an hour before the initial rain started. The water was choppy, so entering the water was a no go. They didn't mind because they had the sand. We would have tried the pool since a little rain with no lightening is not a show stopper, but it was so windy and there had been no sun, so the water would have been freezing. I had the luxury of spending the entire day in the condo with two cranky kids while Chris was getting soaked attempting to get a much looked forward to golf game in. The rest of the family hit the outlet mall, but I refused to even attempt shopping with two small kids. I do not consider that a pleasure at all. I figure I will attack the mall tomorrow. I figured that nothing good could come of this day. We decided to take the kids out for dinner. About 10 minutes before we left, Peyton said he had to potty and we never ignore him since potty-training is our main focus with him these days. Low and behold, he decided to make his first attempt at poo-pooing and he did it. We have been waiting for months for him to poop in the potty and he did it with no coersion tonight. We were so proud; you would have thought he had won a gold medal. Of course we had to let him get a big prize after dinner. While at dinner, the boys were pretty good, we thought. Peyton was a little cranky at first and like most two year olds, he had to play with everything on the table. When we were leaving, four ladies at the next table commented on what a pleasure it had been to watch us have dinner with small children who did not run around and annoy all the surrounding tables. If you are not a parent, you can not understand the joy that is felt with such a statement. My boys are 100% boy. They are rambuctious and loud, not intentionally disrespectful, but they can sometimes be handfull. Suddenly, for the first time, I thought, they really aren't that bad. Life is good. Maybe it ended up being not such a bad day afterall.

Family Vacations

2009-06-01T14:27:00.003-06:00

There is one thing that an extended family vacation always manages to remind you and that is there is a reason you don't still live at home. Anytime you have too many people involved in making a decision about anything, it always ends in a stalemate. You can't please anyone and those that don't get their way seem to be the ones who like to throw tantrums (and I don't mean the kids). It also amazes me how many filthy people there are in a family. This isn't the people who don't take showers, these are the ones who look perfectly normal. They drive nice cars, wear nice clothes and have good jobs. Graduate level degrees hang on their walls, yet they can't seem to throw empty cans in the garbage. They refuse to hand wash a couple of pots when the dishwasher is full. It appears they forget how to function without the prescence of their housekeeper and that is where my place is solidified in our family. I am the the built in housekeeper. It is a natural tendency that I have. Not really a flaw at all, so it isn't something I am interested in changing. I pick up and straighten things around me. I wash things that are dirty. I generally make sure things are taken care of and they probably know that will happen. In short, my vacation is never that. I am the only one who takes my full-time job with me. The only one who gets a break from nothing. Even on vacation, I am a wife, mother and apparently, domestic engineer. Thank God I don't live with these people regularly or I would probably have to find a job outside the home.

Changes

2009-05-26T07:01:00.002-06:00

So, not much and so much is going on in the Burgess Family. Dalton finishes up kindergarten this week. He is growing up so fast and it amazes me what he learns every day. Peyton is starting PK3 next year, if we can get him potty-trained. He is trying, bless his heart, but he is a boy and I am asking alot of him to stop playing just to potty! I joined a gym last week and have met with my trainer twice. He is a persistent man who assumes I can do more than I probably can or should. He seems to think that his plan overrides the instructions of my doctor. Unfortunately for him, I actually listen to my doctor. So far it has been a battle of the wills and I am sure it is no surprise to anyone who is winning that battle. Strangely enough, I am actually enjoying my gym time. While I am there, it is just me and the TV or Ipod and I feel very relaxed and cleansed when I leave. It may be just what the doctor ordered for the difficult year ahead. Chris will be leaving for Honduras in a little over two months. We almost have everything in order, but until he gets the printed orders, some things are on hold. We have to get powers of attorney for everything! I think I am more stressed over what I have to do to prepare to PCS to Okinawa than I am over the million things I will have to do in the year that he is gone. I know he is excited and a little upset over being away from the kids, but I also think there is always a sense of relief when you know that everything is being taken care of and you get to spend time alone and not having to take care of anyone but yourself. The military community has a phrase "married, but single" and every few years, they like to give you the opportunity to experience it. It is just alot harder when I am looking at "married, but single parent". That is about all I have for now. I am sure that in the months to come, I will have much more to post.

Commitments

2009-05-17T13:34:00.003-06:00

This has been a busy weekend. On Thursday night, I headed home to Leland at 5pm. The purpose of my trip was to attend the high school graduation of my cousin whose mother was a very special person and an important part of my life for a long time, but was taken from this Earth way too early when my cousin was not yet 12 years old. Being there for her was important to me to honor the memory of a woman who never missed an important day in my life. The trip was well worth it just to see the look on Lara's face, but in reality, the trip home was hell! Usually the trip is 4 1/2 to 5 hours and I think this trip took 6 or more hours. Getting to Jackson was a pain because apparrently everyone was headed somewhere. It was a Thursday night and the traffic was unplanned. Then when I arrived in Jackson, I-20W had roadwork and we basically had to travel one lane the entire way until my 49N turn off. Then once on 49 I was rerouted due to an accident and I also had to wait for cows to cross the highway. According to my great-uncle Joe, the rising water in the Delta has driven the cows to higher ground and the highway is built on that higher land. He said unlike a deer, if you hit them, you also had to buy the cow. My return trip on Saturday went quickly and I was home in the 4 1/2 hour time frame. However, I came home to change clothes and head to dinner with my hubby and friends. A restaurant that usually had wonderful food now had "cheaper" ingredients and I am not sure it was worth running home. However, the company was worth it. Although they went home early, hubby and I continued our night and probably drank a few too many drinks. Lucky for me, it was he who had to run the 5K this morning and not me! We had lunch and Fatima Internatnional Festival and I got to have my once a year dose of lumpia....YAY! If you have never had it, try it when you get a chance. The boys got to ride 2 rides at the festival and then the sky opened up and dropped buckets of water on our head. Unfortunately, that was the end of our day and now I am going to sit on the couch and catch up on my Tivo...if you don't have DVR, get it soon! It is truly the best "gadget" I have ever gotten.

Frustration

2009-05-13T09:35:00.002-06:00

Frustration is a daily part of my life. Mainly because disorganization frustrates me. I manage to maintain a level of organization over things that I have control of, but it is when other people are in control and screw up that I get this overwhelming desire to wring someone's neck. It happens all the time. The PTO asks me to volunteer; I show up and inevitably there is some woman in charge who has yet to figure out what we are supposed to do or have all the pieces of something that needs to be put together. The person who doesn't have her life together, but feels she can take on essentially the life of the entire school and have it in any kind of order. Then there are the birthday parties that are scheduled for say 3pm and when you arrive they are still decorating, the food isn't done and they have no clue to the order of events. Sometimes they just cancel the party and don't notify anyone; instead just leave town. Those are the kinds of things I expect. However, when it comes to family things, simple things like a family photo, I don't expect to have frustration and anxiety. My husband's entire family lives in Memphis. We vacation in Destin, FL and this year the entire group of 12 will be there. This is not a normal event since we move about every 4 years or so. My sister-in-law thought this would be a great time to have a family portrait done. You know the one, everyone on the beach. This idea came about at Christmas time or even before. She apparently was put in charge of the details; I am not positive since I wasn't there, but that is what I have been told. Well Saturday night, nothing had been done. No one even had a clue what they were to be wearing. There were plenty of excuses like the new baby (who turns 1 on Monday), or the fact she is moving (just happened in the last two months) and the storm that knocked out her internet (storm was a week or so ago). Planner that I am, I took on the task of organizing this event. I spent all day Monday on the phone with photographers, their assistants or receptionists to find that NO ONE was available on such short notice (our trip is the first week of June). Luckily, I finally got a call back from one person to say that there was a cancellation. Thank God! I informed everyone of the appointment time, attire, and even sent them links to the photographer's website with sample pictures and pricing information. I did this in the first 24 hours that I started the project and I have a very active 2 year old and a 6 year old who is involved in sports. Why can't the rest of the world just get on board with the plan? You are stressed because you are unorganized! You don't need medication, you need a plan and a time management seminar. You need to realize that you are doing nothing for your stress and thus, you are also increasing my anxiety and frustration. When you take on a project, see it through to the end. I bet unreliable people are the same ones whose parents let them quit an activity midstream. I guess they were never taught to finish what they started. I was taught that; unfortunately, I never realized I would end up having to finish what others start too.

The Mysteries of Parenthood

2009-04-29T20:40:00.002-06:00

Everyone loves to tell you that parenthood is an adventure. Each day can be the same old thing and then there is that one day that you wonder why you had kids. However, in the next breath, your child will say something funny or possibly profound and you have to laugh and remind yourself it is moments like that that made you have children. It never ceases to amaze me that I have to remind Dalton, who is 6, that he has to put on his glasses, or pick up his toys, or make his bed, etc....I think you get the picture. Everyday the same words come out of my mouth. So often, in fact, that I wish I could just record it and push play when the moment presented itself. However, the child has the memory of an elephant when it comes to the most unusual conversations. This serves as a constant reminder to watch each and everything I say to him. About a year or so ago he asked why he had two great-grandmas, but no great-grandpas. I told him that his daddy's grandpa died when his daddy was a little boy about his age and that my grandpa died when Dalton was only a few months old. We talked a little about death and where people go when they die. A bit of a tough talk to have with a then 4, maybe 5 year old, but I answered his questions and moved on. However, last night during dinner Dalton looked at me with his big brown eyes and said, "Mama, I am sorry your grandpa died." Where did that come from? I said, "Thank you, but that was a long time ago." He said so sweetly, "but I bet you still miss him and it makes you sad, so I am sorry." Kind of made it hard to remind him he could have no dessert until he finished his dinner. I love my children. Even when they are difficult and my neighbors probably think my head will explode from the yelling, I still love them. I love the things they say, the way they say it and the fact that they are the kind of kids who feel sorry for me when I am sad. Guess I am not that bad of a mama afterall. At least that is what I will tell myself today.